Thursday, September 4, 2008

Candid Camera be damned

It all started great ... as usual.

And then the red flags came ... as usual.

Thing is I've been toying with the idea of him ever since the day I waited on that corner of the magnificent mile until he drove up and got into his car. It was absolutely a crazy thing to do, having never even seen a picture of him at that point ... but I had given my peoples all of his personally identifiable information (screen name, phone number, name, email address) so that they could avenge my death should I turn up bloated and floating face down somewhere in the Michigan River. And of course, my m.o. is to let the nigga know that people are waiting for me to get home and check in to make sure I'm ok and that they have his screen name. But nothing else. (tee hee)

At any rate, I was smitten that night, as the first post above will tell you. It was sweet how we sat there and talked and drank at the bar in the Cheesecake Factory in a booth, both of us sitting with our elbows on our laps and holding hands under the table. *sigh*

Wow, did I catch a fucking BUZZ that night. When I stood up, I was like WHOA. You know the feeling? Where you're sitting there not paying any attention to the three martinis you've just ingested on an empty stomach in 90 minutes and it's not until you stand up that you realize ... I should probably quit drinking now

Anyway - so on Friday, I'm tired of wanting more from him ... and of his saying that we're working towards an US ... but behaving as if there's not room for me in his life. So, I address it.

in classic JACK fashion.

I pretty much told him that he didn't have room in his life for me, that he seems to have busied his life with TONS of shit in order not to have to face his sexuality (you know. "yo, dude - how come you ain't got no girl, yo?" "ahhh maaan - i'm just so busy with all this shit, who has time!?")... and I'm not going to spend my days thinking about someone who isn't ready to make room for me in his life. Um, my exact words? "Shit or get off the pot."

I haven't heard from him since. I guess he got off the pot.

And here I am ... AGAIN ... feeling let down. This isn't the first time I've rushed it. But I just can't help it - I REFUSE, REFUSE, RE-fucking-FUSE to be in limbo anymore. No, I can't do it. I'm not committing any of my time to some nigga, and letting other potential suitors just stroll on by, if the nigga really isn't going to make a commitment.

Now I know that word is scary. But DAMN, life's too damn short ... if we're not together but you want to investigate it, and we're not having sex because we're still getting to know each other and you're showing NO signs of moving to the next phase .... then, let's quit the fucking games - I need my conscience cleared so I can go in peace and suck a dick.

Or two.




Anonymous said...

Okay, I read all of the posts this time not just the last one. So, now I'll break it down for you.

1. 90% (i'll leave you in that remaining 10%) of the niggas on line are looking for a quick fuck. Some will come right out and say it and others will be demure but really want you to throw them down (yes, even if they're six-foot-three) and stone cold take they shit.

2. The annonymity of the internet works in many ways but mostly it gives a shield to those who are hiding from something or someone. Oddly how people who post their pictures on line have no idea just how many times their photos are viewed by Boo Boo and dem because Ms. Thang who is the shampoo assistant at the beauty salon dropped a dime on "Rita's straight cousin Mike." For the most part people you meet on the internet (me, excluded) will not amount to anything in terms of a relationship. That said, I've met three really good friends that started out as potential mates but the distance was a bit of a challenge. One lives in the U.K. and we've been friends for 12 years and have visited many times.

3. Baby you are fine (so you say) intelligent and have your priorities straight. While what you want is a possibility I think you need to start deeling in probability. The probability of you meeting someone who meets your requirements AND is interested in forming the relationship that you want is next to nill.

That's not to say that you should lower your standards, quite the contrary. But I also think you should always follow your gut irrespective of how much your heart flutters -- trust me, it's just indigestion.

What's a boy to do? I haven't a fuckin clue but it seems like all the decent gay men are my friends and I think it's about time I start dating friends :-)

P.S. I'll be in Chicago February 11 - 14 next year; we got to do dinner.

P.S.S. I really don't belive this brother is moving to Vegas. I think he's either married or in a relationship and really isn't going anywhere and just couldn't bring himself to being honest. Yes, he was genuinely interested in you but his shit ain't together.

The Jaded NYer said...

I know you're sad, and you know when you're sad because of SOME motherfucker, that puts me in MEGA BITCH MODE, so good riddance to that fool, because if he wasn't gonna get off that damn pot I was gonna kick his ass clear across the country off of it!!!!!!!!!!!!

*poses in b-boy stance*

JACK said...

anon: You're not telling me anything I don't already know. It's just that I don't listen to me. I should do that more often. I have considered the angle that he is already taken, which was the catalyst that got me to just address it.

However, my reality is this: I am real. Where I post my pictures and stats ... I am honest. Therefore, it's not out of the question. Somewhere out there, there's another me. I've actually found several. I've got some really good friends I met via the internet.

Despite what you call a next-to-nil probability, I'm in the game. I know what I want, refuse to accept that it doesn't exist or won't exist for me ... Yet, that's not me being naive. I'm aware that the odds are against me - but I'm a gambling man.

.. and besides, the world's a much more interesting place when you don't totally give up on the thing you actually want.

and, um - you can save the parenthetic notation. I'm fine AZ HELL.

Jaded: Yes, hawney - I know how it go. Just LET a mother fucker mess with you and I'm a turn to voodoo doll making and investing in a set of ginzu knives.

T. R Xands said...

*dying at suck a dick or 3* Imma pretend these people around me aren't staring...and I agree, if you postin fotos of yourself on Craigslist or wherever it is you hang (but not you) you really aren't on the "DL" anymore.

Uh...not that I can really tell you shit about dating, Jack, and I'm not even going to try. I just think it's good that you still have your standards and aren't giving up...I say this because I just despise internet dating *shrug*