The Library Card
I went to my local Chicago Public Library to get on the internet. Why? Because I really needed to fuel my newest blog crush (riiiitttee, wouldn't YOU like to know) and I go to the computer. I need a library card to sign in. DAMMIT.
So I go to the counter and sign up for a library card. I get one, and she hands me a sharpie too. BONUS! Only not quite. I'm supposed to sign the back of it, and print my name on the front. Really? Yes.
Ok, so I do - but then she wants it back. She tears off a length of scotch tape and covers my printed name and signature. This is what I call Ghetto Lamination. With my card newly ghettolaminated, I proceed to log in.
But while I was there, the "officer" approaches me at the counter and says, "sir, are you aware that there is no food allowed in teh library?" I was holding a pack of cookies, and they was WERKIN too. "Oh, no, I didn't."
"I just thought I should make you aware."
"ok."
I ate them while I surfed the web. Fuck him.
Now this bitch is telling me I have 11 more minutes - I might have to squat.
But I might just get booted. never mind.
At any rate, my point really is that my Indianapolis library card is a sturdy, credit card quality urrr, CARD. And it has the logo of the library system and it's all nice and pretty and it has a bar code that has all of my information. No sharpie needed.
But I won't use it because I still can't find my daughter's My Little Pony book we borrowed like 10 years ago (yes, I know - she's only six, shut up) and I'm certain that when I walk into any Indiana public library that sirens will go off.
And I prefer the use of handcuffs in the privacy of my own home.
So I go to the counter and sign up for a library card. I get one, and she hands me a sharpie too. BONUS! Only not quite. I'm supposed to sign the back of it, and print my name on the front. Really? Yes.
Ok, so I do - but then she wants it back. She tears off a length of scotch tape and covers my printed name and signature. This is what I call Ghetto Lamination. With my card newly ghettolaminated, I proceed to log in.
But while I was there, the "officer" approaches me at the counter and says, "sir, are you aware that there is no food allowed in teh library?" I was holding a pack of cookies, and they was WERKIN too. "Oh, no, I didn't."
"I just thought I should make you aware."
"ok."
I ate them while I surfed the web. Fuck him.
Now this bitch is telling me I have 11 more minutes - I might have to squat.
But I might just get booted. never mind.
At any rate, my point really is that my Indianapolis library card is a sturdy, credit card quality urrr, CARD. And it has the logo of the library system and it's all nice and pretty and it has a bar code that has all of my information. No sharpie needed.
But I won't use it because I still can't find my daughter's My Little Pony book we borrowed like 10 years ago (yes, I know - she's only six, shut up) and I'm certain that when I walk into any Indiana public library that sirens will go off.
And I prefer the use of handcuffs in the privacy of my own home.
11 comments:
HAHA A sharpie. Chicago is the worst! Tape, hahah.
My Queens and Brooklyn library cards are quality cards! And nothing quality comes from Queens.
LMAO@ "nothing quality comes out from Queens"
Hey Jack- aren't you from E. Elmhurst??
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
"Ghettolaminated". YES. I knew there was a term for it.
*takes out library card and chews on it* Mine costs a dollar to renew every couple of years or so...I remember when that shit was freeee.
Um, I am INDEED from East Elmhurst. *gives f$%kit the STANK eye*
t-rex: (it's easier to type) What you mean you have to PAY for a library card? Maybe they SHOULD be using a sharpie over there.
T.Rex. I'm down wif it.
And...wait, you mean you don't have to pay for your card? ...You mean my city is jacking me out of money again? And I let them?
*lays down and cries*
Ummm, I work for Indianapolis Marion County Public Library. I promise, no alarms will go off. As a matter of fact, we'll be happy to help you take care of that issue. Really. :-)
Oh, and cookies and pop are just fine in our libraries. Heck, I'm sipping on a carbonated beverage and nibbling a cookie right now.
Peace.
Man go ahead and by the another book, lol.
Library: TRUST me the marion county library is MUCH better than this one here. Especially the one at Glendale Mall.
clnmike: Just when you could sneak in a comment about handcuffs, you go for the My Little Pony library book. SMH.
Sorry Jack, Queens SUCKS! You are quality so I will give you honorary Brooklyn status
*crossing fingers that that cleaned that right on up*
I attended High School in Brooklyn - maybe that's why. That's where I met Jaded .. the rest is still history in the making.
i know this post is over a year old, but ya'll gone have to back up off my city and its cheap library cards, lol
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