Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The Library Card

I went to my local Chicago Public Library to get on the internet. Why? Because I really needed to fuel my newest blog crush (riiiitttee, wouldn't YOU like to know) and I go to the computer. I need a library card to sign in. DAMMIT.

So I go to the counter and sign up for a library card. I get one, and she hands me a sharpie too. BONUS! Only not quite. I'm supposed to sign the back of it, and print my name on the front. Really? Yes.

Ok, so I do - but then she wants it back. She tears off a length of scotch tape and covers my printed name and signature. This is what I call Ghetto Lamination. With my card newly ghettolaminated, I proceed to log in.

But while I was there, the "officer" approaches me at the counter and says, "sir, are you aware that there is no food allowed in teh library?" I was holding a pack of cookies, and they was WERKIN too. "Oh, no, I didn't."

"I just thought I should make you aware."

"ok."

I ate them while I surfed the web. Fuck him.

Now this bitch is telling me I have 11 more minutes - I might have to squat.

But I might just get booted. never mind.

At any rate, my point really is that my Indianapolis library card is a sturdy, credit card quality urrr, CARD. And it has the logo of the library system and it's all nice and pretty and it has a bar code that has all of my information. No sharpie needed.

But I won't use it because I still can't find my daughter's My Little Pony book we borrowed like 10 years ago (yes, I know - she's only six, shut up) and I'm certain that when I walk into any Indiana public library that sirens will go off.

And I prefer the use of handcuffs in the privacy of my own home.

11 comments:

The F$%K it List said...

HAHA A sharpie. Chicago is the worst! Tape, hahah.

My Queens and Brooklyn library cards are quality cards! And nothing quality comes from Queens.

The Jaded NYer said...

LMAO@ "nothing quality comes out from Queens"

Hey Jack- aren't you from E. Elmhurst??

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

T. R Xands said...

"Ghettolaminated". YES. I knew there was a term for it.

*takes out library card and chews on it* Mine costs a dollar to renew every couple of years or so...I remember when that shit was freeee.

JACK said...

Um, I am INDEED from East Elmhurst. *gives f$%kit the STANK eye*

t-rex: (it's easier to type) What you mean you have to PAY for a library card? Maybe they SHOULD be using a sharpie over there.

T. R Xands said...

T.Rex. I'm down wif it.

And...wait, you mean you don't have to pay for your card? ...You mean my city is jacking me out of money again? And I let them?

*lays down and cries*

Library Guy said...

Ummm, I work for Indianapolis Marion County Public Library. I promise, no alarms will go off. As a matter of fact, we'll be happy to help you take care of that issue. Really. :-)

Oh, and cookies and pop are just fine in our libraries. Heck, I'm sipping on a carbonated beverage and nibbling a cookie right now.

Peace.

clnmike said...

Man go ahead and by the another book, lol.

JACK said...

Library: TRUST me the marion county library is MUCH better than this one here. Especially the one at Glendale Mall.

clnmike: Just when you could sneak in a comment about handcuffs, you go for the My Little Pony library book. SMH.

The F$%K it List said...

Sorry Jack, Queens SUCKS! You are quality so I will give you honorary Brooklyn status

*crossing fingers that that cleaned that right on up*

JACK said...

I attended High School in Brooklyn - maybe that's why. That's where I met Jaded .. the rest is still history in the making.

Miss P said...

i know this post is over a year old, but ya'll gone have to back up off my city and its cheap library cards, lol