Thursday, September 18, 2008

The Tooth Fairy

Today, my daughters other front tooth fell out. I barely remember what it was like losing my baby teeth. I have two memories of it as a kid:

1) In Kindergarten, I had a loose front tooth. I was showing my classmates that the fucker was loose as hell. However, I learned that you should never, EVER do this in the South Bronx. Here in the midwest, my daughter tells me, your friends sit around and try to predict on which day your tooth will come out. But, not in the South Bronx. Jorge made a fist and punched me dead in the face. I was stunned, and immediately just wanted to cry. But I spit my tooth out, and he said, "see!" And we all ooohed and ahhhed at how smart Jorge was. In fact, I thanked him.

2) I was at my aunt's house in Puerto Rico - maybe 4, maybe 7. Those were two of the times I went to PR. I told her that my tooth was loose as hell. However, I learned that you should never, EVER do this out in the Puerto Rican country side - because the next thing I knew I was laying back in some rattan chair with one end of a long ass piece of thread tied to me tooth and the other end held tightly in my aunt's fist. It hurt like FUCK - and she pulled so hard that my tooth went flying through the air and landed clear on the other side of the room. We all heard the "tink" of the tooth on the tile floor. Even Fifi. That bitch ass dog took off running after of it and my aunt had to fight that dog to get my tooth out her mouth.

But it's not like that anymore. One word: Anbesol. After my daughter sank her teeth into some fried chicken grandma made, the tooth was hanging only by a thread. And my daughter was wigging out. I felt so bad for her, bendito - she kept saying, "but I wanna eat!" (And who can blame her when grandma done made some fried chicken and cabbage. mmmmmm - cabbage)

So, we went to CVS, picked up some anbesol and numbed the gums surrounding that tooth. With a Q-tip (soaked with more anbesol) I began to massage her gums and when she least expected it, I pulled the tooth out. She jumped for a minute, but then we inspected the tooth and all was well. Without her front teeth - the fried chicken thought it had a fighting chance. But, alas, the incisors and a child after her grandma's cooking .... it was a wrap.

And now the tooth is in the box in my closet and a dollar under her pillow awaits my princess in the a.m.


One Man’s Opinion said...

Just a dollar? Damn the tooth fairy if cheap. Her ass was giving out dollars when I was a kid. Can we get a pay increase or something, damn it?

Damn you....Now I want some fried chicken and cabbage.

Oh, yeah, I'm with you on the tooth thing. People always wanted to pull or knock those bad boys out. I hated that crap. Never, never did I allow for my tooth to be pulled or knocked out. Those bad boys stayed in until I ate or did something to make them loose their grip. I am a punk for pain. I don;t care.

The Jaded NYer said...

LMAO @ "the tooth fairy is cheap"

you're a good daddy, because I used to be TERRIFIED to tell anyone I had a loose tooth because of that whole, "let me get a string and pull it out for you..." nonsense. WTH, Papi? Let it fall out when it wants to fall out, DAMN!

Super Dave Van Buren said...

lmao @ you thinking the boy for punching you in the face.

I'm not ready for my baby to lose teeth. but I'll remember that anbesol trick.

JACK said...

One man - let me tell you, the baby mama start this $5 per tooth thing and then we multipled $5 by the number of teeth in the mouth, by two kids and we invented a new truth. The tooth fairy gives $5 for the first two teeth so you don't feel bad losing them. But then it's $1 from there on out. We ain't poor anymore, but we ain't Bill Gates, one of the Rockerfellers, or Fidel Castro or anything.

Oh, and guess what leftovers I'm having for lunch ... mmmmmmm

Jaded: WTF is up with Latinos and that "hilo?" That shit if for sewing. Do you know she tried to get me to let her tie the other end to the door knob so she could slam it?!? What is this THIRD WORLD shit?!?

SuperDave: Yes, lol - I thanked him. And do NOT get caught without the Anbesol. It was great.

Kieya said...

"Jorge made a fist and punched me dead in the face."


wait...i'm pretty sure someone attached mine to a string, tied it to the door & slammed it shut on me. peer pressure is a bi-atch

my mom didn't even bother hiding it. i found it on her dresser a week later....after i got my money.

ps i'm also a fiend for cabbage...YUUUUMMMM!!

ms narcelo said...

awwwwwww! string, door, tooth - bad mix. Happened twice!

Eat this apple - terrible. Happened once.

Aww teeth. Who needs em....

Mrs. MR said...

My kids can't wait for them to fall out naturally which what I always push for. So either they are pulling them out themselves or Mr. MR is yanking them out for them. The 3 of them are strange. Make sure you get a good picture of her for future embarrassment.

T. R Xands said...

I still remember the day my dad came after me with a wrench to get my tooth out...I had no idea if he was joking or not--this man is straight bare-foot-suspenders-can't-drink-the-water country so I guess understandably I went "AAIIIE!" and wound up pulling my own damn tooth out to save me some pain.

...wait a minute...I got tricked. And I never got a dollar!

Cocoa Rican said...

Awww...nufin' like losin' some teef to give that vieja look we love so much in childhood. Well, this just means that you're officially an old man!

My best tola princesa!

The F$%K it List said...

You must not call the ghetto tooth fairy, she does not know about inflation, teeth have a $2 going rate these days! TSK TSK, HAHA

I want some cabbage but who is going to make it *calling her nana*I can fry my own chicken.

I don't remember losing many teeth, but I do remember the tooth fairy only gave me quarters. Back then that was big time.

yet another black guy said...

I gots to get me some fried chicken now that you done wrote about it!

JACK said...

Fried chicken and cabbage is contagious, isn't it? It's that modern day bell pavlov used to fuck with that dog. And if that dog had any sense, he so should've attacked that mother fucker as soon as he got loose.

But my poor baby - got a tooth half dangling in her mouth and she's whining cuz she wanna eat her grandma's friend chicken.