Showing posts with label Believe it or Not. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Believe it or Not. Show all posts

Monday, April 5, 2010

Chinese (Dominican/Puerto Rican) Experiment

It's sad but true - we've been single since before FaceBook. And since FB has been the medium of choice for starting, complicating and announce the end of relationships - Jaded and I have embarked on a journey .... we're officially in a FB relationship. And this is what we've learned so far:

  • You can't just be in a relationship with just anybody. They have to actually confirm that they know you. FB said I had a "relationship request." When I clicked it, it asked: Would you like to confirm your relationship with Raquel? I confirmed, although we both wonder what would happen if I ignored the request. (But that wouldn't facilitate this CDPR Experiment)
I suppose this is kind of like real life, in that you do kinda have to ask someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend - I mean, you at least have to have the discussion ... I'm glad to see that hasn't changed. Like, in my day - you asked someone to dance ... and nowadays, you simply have to see someone dancing and that apparently means you can bump your dick against his/her ass and sway in time. But FB confirms that the idea of having to ask someone to be in a relationship with you is still alive today. That's good to know.

  • The people that know us well are completely baffled by our announcement in FB. Others who know us both are reluctantly (and ingenuously) thanking God we're off the market. (Dumb asses)
Apparently, it's still commonplace for people to be plastic and smile all up in your face(book) about shit ... I really wish that weren't true, but alas - it is. OH! And dumbasses still exist - but we already knew that.

Next on our list is to figure out what happens when you try to be in multiple relationships at the same time. I'll give the details in my next post - but first I have to find someone who is willing to let me try to "Relationship" them on FB without it being weird or anything.

ta ta for now

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

My New Idol

Friday, March 5, 2010

Suck the Shine off Dem Lips

So, my lips have been screaming for the winter to go the fuck away and for some humidity to come on back into the air - so I've got m carmex. I'm on a date last night and put some on - I ask him if my lips are shiny cuz I don't want them all shiny. He said it didn't matter because he'd suck the shine off my lips if he had to.

Really? Ok - so, I was at work today and .... blah blah blah

Look folks, I wasn't kidding about my not being into no fuckin and suckin and frottagin' and all dat. I'm not sure where my libido is, but it's off in some far away brush hiding from me. And I'm not out looking for it.

I made that clear when he and I began to speak - of course, we met online. So, of course, I didn't have my hopes in the rafters over the date, but it was a fun change to an otherwise mundane schedule of work, train, home - work, train, home. So, I went and for all intents and purposes things went fairly well.

Weird.

I didn't see any sparks or anything - but I'm glad to have gone out and met him and to listen to him speak as opposed to reading him text. I'm not sure what the shiny lip comment was about, but I think he got the message when I acknowledged he said it and kept it moving into other areas. He didn't disrespect me, he didn't try to touch me or get me home or anything. It ended with a kiss goodbye that was really just a peck on the lips and nothing really extraordinarily ridiculous ...

I done tole you how I once accidentally blew a drag queen - I'm not taking ya' mother fuckers at face value anymore ... any queen in heels can kick off her shoes and put on some Nikes and a pair of baggy jeans. But I'm (mostly) sure this one doesn't moonlight in hosiery.

Whatever - I'm just glad I'm able to date without getting cum in my hair.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Clitter me this!

A special thank to Booboo for bringing a smile to my day with clitter:

Sunday, January 3, 2010

JACK Fierce

Recently, I transcended my blog and actually decided to meet a fellow blogger and it wasn't the horror I was so sure it would be once I stepped from inside cyberspace into reality. It was wholly and completely normal. Dudes hanging out, having a few drinks (I had my share, I admit it!) and laughing it up to the unfinished ceiling. It's silly that it took me so long.

The reality is that JACK exists as a caricature of what I wish would be socially acceptable of me. Although my closest and dearest friends (you know who you are! heeeeeeyyyyyyy) know how really off-the-wall things can come flying out of my pie hole, for the most part life has toned me down. I don't always now say the things that come to mind ... and that shit still doesn't come easily. I find myself doing a lot of self-coaching, saying to myself "just let it go, don't say a thing ..." and many another mantra to simply let myself be the wise man who says nothing.

But for a very long time I was the fool who said whatever the fuck came to mind. My having created JACK allowed me to channel a lot of my nonsense into a world with no repercussions ... like, blogger can't fire me or refuse to be my friend anymore ... and it can't get pissed off at me for saying some nonsense. JACK, therefore, is the culmination of all the things the average person would like to say ... but doesn't.

JACK is unabashedly ... well, me. He is an accentuation of the attitude I carry, of the insatiable appetite for men I carry, and then some. JACK, in short, is fierce. Just all out there for the world to see (hear?) and all that. There are not many things the real me would share ... whereas JACK can't stop running his fucking mouth. I swear to the gods that I wish I could just sock him right in his goddam mouth sometimes.

See, the real me would say to the man who lost his erection, "it's cool, baby ... just hold me." And then JACK gets on his blog and talks about how the nigga couldn't get in if he had a map and a flashlight and I took him there! (Seriously, that's quoted from a previous blog post)

The real me listens intently ... JACK expresses his deep rooted desire for the bastard to shut the fuck up. PLEASE!

The real me is worth getting to know, worth befriending, worth loving. Just ask that handful of people I count myself blessed to know. I'm a good damn time!

JACK, however ... hmph! If he rears his ugly head, just shake yours at him and laugh at him. But he's a good damn time, too!

Yet there are rules ... JACK never breaks my confidence, or yours. IF I'm sworn to secrecy, so is JACK. He never crosses that line. NEVER.

All in all, JACK is my outlet - for your viewing pleasure. And as goddam sure as I am ... JACK, too, is fierce.

(without the motorcycle garb)


PS - Thanks for the invite out, fellow blogger. A total privilege.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

No drizzle - Just Deluge

Fuck the saying that it "pours." This is some real inundation, although PLEASE don't get any ideas, heavens! On June 2, there was a bitch of a storm that came through. It was windy as hell and the hail was about the size of a quarter. And the relentless pounding my house took was incredible. The wind and hail took took tree limbs and leaves right off the trees and scattered vegetation all over the damn place - I hadn't seen anything like it since I flew into Tampa hours after Hurricane Jeane. Except, there aren't any palm fronds in Indianapolis.

Anyway - it sounded like the ice was going to come right through my skylights. It was deafeningly loud in my house as the weather gods laughed and laughed at me pacing around this house, scared like I was 5 and just KNEW that that coat rack with the top hat over there in the dark was a bad, bad man who was going to kill me.

An inspector came out and said I had hail damage to my roof. I thought it fortuitous since the last time this room was re-done was before I owned the house and before the code was updated to say two layers of roof maximum. There're three layers up there. So, I called it in.

Nine Thousand Six Hundred mother fucking Dollars is what the adjuster told me.

What?!?

It just then dawned on me, as the insurance adjuster was speaking to me, that my insurance premiums were going to soar. Of course, right?

Thing is, I spent the last three weeks buying flooring and having it installed in my house to replace 8 year old carpet that withstood the test of two toddlers, and bought new furniture for the living room that had done the same. So, here I am with about $3,000 in store credit cards (because it was no interest, no payment until January if I did it that way) and WHAM!

The roof is on fire (figuratively)

... and I reported it. To the insurance company.

Yay! New roof, at least. And floors!

(for someone else to enjoy when they repo this bitch)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Ranting a la JACK (Take II)

I'm a fat bastard.

I have gained weight in the last 12 months to proportions that embarrass me. 20 pounds. 20 goddam pounds. At 5'6" .. 20 pounds is so much worse than you're imagining. This schedule of back and forth between two different cities every week pretty much sucked all desire out of me to go to the gym. and I haven't gone.

But you know what - Spend 6 hours a week driving ... and you'd be amazed at how many bags of Mickey D's end up strewn about the car.

And leave it to my kids to hand my ass back to me about my weight. While working on her homework, I ask my daughter "What's a kilogram?"

"It's a lot, a lot ... A TON - like you!"

My face went stoic-blank. And I simply blinked. OK, so I know what she meant ... and I'm a beached whale in her eyes.

Later in the day, we're listening to Lady Gaga and dancing all around the living room. My daughter says,

"Stop shaking your butt!"

"Baby, that's just me"

"That's right - your butt jiggles even when you walk."

With that - I'm back on my diet and gym routine. 10 pounds per month is my goal. If I can't lose the weight, I'm amputating a leg.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Master JACK

Well, folks - I have officially completed my graduate career, having worked on my degree part time since January 2006. Three point five years worth of working full time, traveling like a mfer, raising kids, fighting PF, getting shit canned, looking for a job, dating THAT mother fucker, putting THAT mother fucker in the past, starting a blog, keeping a blog ... and working on my degree part time!

It's over.

I completed my portfolio and got an A. My final GPA is a 3.733 and I'm done. On Sunday, I walk down the aisle to get my damn degree and all that jazz. There's a hooding ceremony (cuz I'm a MASTER now) and the best part of it all?

My babies will be there to see it all.

Now babies, you done seent daddy get his damn masters degree while he been raising your asses ... so, you do realize that you're going to college, right? Right. Don't make me drag your 18 year old, not-wanting-go-to-college, ass all over town by your ankles. You're going to college. Y YA!

But seriously, it means so much to me that they will be there to witness it ... it's really what it's all about ... making sure the babies have more and better than I am and have. They gon be all dolled up in their Sunday best and we're going to make a big, big BIG deal out of it ... not because I want a damn party

(because trust me, if that was the case, there'd be TONS of libation and kids wouldn't be allowed to witness the revelry)

... but because CHILDREN - IT MEANS SOMETHING TO GET AN EDUCATION.

You're free to hang out on the corner with a 40 in the brown paper bag AFTER you get your degree.

Cuz I love you.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Those Reality Show Rat Bastards!

Have you ever heard of Elaine Paige? You might not recognize her here without all the fur, but I know you know the song:



Well, she's got pipes, fine. And on a recent episode of Britian's Got Talent they put a woman with a disability on stage. She's 47, admits to living alone with her cat, being unemployed and never even so much as having a first kiss ever.

Yes, folks - that Simon Cowell done stoop to a new low. And she gets on stage, obviously not quite "all there," and says she, at 47 years old, unemployed and living alone with a car, wants to be the next Elaine Paige. And the crowd mocks her.

Seriously?!?

Now, it's all fair game, I say - and I mean, I just laughed out loud when my friend told me she's at her daughter's swimming lesson and the instructor asked a kid to get a body board ... and the kid only has one hand. Yuh, that was funny ...

But it's not like someone is making money over asking the kid to get on stage and juggling, right? There's a fine line there.

So, this "next Elaine Paige," seemingly oblivious to the crowd's sneers and skepticism starts to sing ... and you'll see here why she seemed so oblivious to the crowd's moans and groans. Keep fuckin' with her, Simon ...

You will have to click here to view it because them fuckers at cowell's place done disabled the links for embedding. Her name is Susan Boyle - tell me what you think.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Size queens are crazy



I never understood size queens. I prefer my men to be of human proportions - that is, human-sized dicks are best fit for ... well, HUMANS. Especially for us humans without birth canals.

Birth canals are perfectly designed to handle those gi-normous, superhuman dicks > 9" long. And then girth?!? Dear LAWD - without a birth canal, girth is just plaing annoying.

Now, I've seen a birth canal morphe into some elastic band of rubber to accomodate the shoulder-to-shoulder width of a 7lb. 12oz infant (Why women fear the crowning of the head is beyond me - there's not been such a parting as that of a birth canal accomodating the shoulders of an infant since that Moses raised his staff over the red sea.)

My philosopy stands - I am *NOT* a size queen ... and I absolutely REFUSE to sit on a dick that makes a standard flashlight look like a AA battery.

unless he's the 6'4" inch, intelligent, charming, funny conservative nigga I had lunch with yesterday.

I had a nice time on my date with Mr. $299 for a Mattress, but you know my propensity to find something to be critical of, right? (OMG, you're thinking ... JACK actually knows this about himself? Yes, I do) So, the mattress broke the deal there and so I had to tell him that the chemistry wasn't there and we needed to hang out just as friends.

299 was gracious about it. He didn't need to know that I had already had a lunch date with 6'4 ... and that I invited 6'4 to my place last night ... really, it was superfluous information and really not something he needed to know.

And so 6'4 comes on over - see, it turns out that a couple of years ago he and I were actually chatting online, but never met. And that at the time we were both living in Indianpolis. And now, we happen upon each other again and when we connected on yahoo IM, we realized that we knew each other ... although we never met in person. And we now both live in the same part of town in Chicago ... during lunch, we talked about how weird it was and he looked at me coyly and said, "maybe it's fate."

"MAYbe," I said smiling.

FAST FORWARD TO THE EVENING

So, I get to the unveiling - and when I pull down his sweatpants (and OH. MY. GAWD. Do I love a man in sweats!) ... there I find out ...

Good God Almighty - this thing is ENORMOUS.

My usual response at this point is to ask, "um, what you gon' do with THAT?" Because, um - I'm no size queen. And this isn't going any further. But I didn't, although I did react ... and he DID notice.

THIS nigga wanna say, "I'm sorry it's small - it's all I got."

I roll my eyes and say, "Hush it up."

... and since my title pane CLEARLY says this blog is rated "R," thems all the details I'm spilling. But suffice it to say, It's 12 hours later and this Kool-Aid smile of mine has not subsided and shows no sign of doing so because he texted me this morning to say, "I meant to say last night was soooo good."

Yes. Yes it was.

Friday, March 20, 2009

When KARMA comes a knockin ...

March 7, 2008: My fat fuck of a boss reveals to me that he's letting me go because I have been doing things contrary to what I have been told. Except, I had been doing exactly what he was asking me to do. Fucker set me up.




Thursday, March 19, 2009: Fat fuck got shit canned.



In 2006, I spent 10 months working my ass off, literally. Ffrom January to October, I lost over 40 pounds. But then I started looking all gaunt and skeletal and so I stopped going to the gym. The weight began to come back on. My then boyfriend said to me one night, while we lay watching TV, his arm around me, "You ARE gaining weight - I can feel it."




Today, my now ex-boyfriend is 35 pounds heavier than he was that day and is quite the fat bastard.










If you don't knnow about musicjesus.com, you should be ashamed.

Feel free to give Karma her due respects in comment - I look forward to hearing from you all. I could use a smile or two these days.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Digging to the knuckle


How nasty is THIS shit? I mean, just because you cower into the corner there ... doesn't mean we can't see you.

And if JACK sees you, JACK is taking snapshots and putting you on blast on the blog. That's just the way it is.

And just in case you can't really see what's going on here ... here's a close-up:

The man managed to get his pinky into his nostril to the knuckle ... right there on the red line ... during rush hour.

And exactly how involved in this nonsense can you be that you don't notice the dude across the aisle taking pictures of you?

He was totally clueless, rolling snot on his finger and wiping his hands off on his pants.

But that's not all folks ... at one point, face buried in his book, he gets hungry, I guess.

Yes folks, he pretends to be thinking really hard while he reads his paperwork, but COME ON, how stupid do you think we are? You're eating your boogers and that's that.

I suppose people are going to do what they are going to do ... but in public while the rest of us are putting in our time on the train in order to get to work? COME ON ...



But it gets better ... someone actually occupies the seat next to him ... and then he takes to picking wax out of his ear.

I'm just sayin - if you wanna be a nasty mother fucker, I'm snapping pics and putting you on blast.

It's what responsible bloggers do.

Carry on.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

America the Beautiful

Remember when the rest of the world used to respect this country? Remember when we actually had pretty good relationships with UN Nations and for the most part everybody liked us?

It might seem like many moons ago ... well, probably because it was. I have been concerned about this year's election because I knew that I knew that I knew that if this country couldn't elect Obama (you know, the man who gathered a crowd of 200,000 + in Germany?) and instead elected McCain (you know, the man who recently emptied a town's schools so that they could attend his rally and it could appear full? The man whose town hall meetings weren't nearly as well attended as Jim Jones' trip heading south?) ... we would've been perceived as a regressive country unfit to lead the world, incapable of being a world power ... and oh, the repurcussions that would've brought with it.

But - nay. We got it right. Well, about 52% of voters got it right. And this article made me remember what it feels like to feel proud, to beam with it so damn intensely that chills run down my arms and makes the hairs on my neck stand at attention. (I mean, you know you SOMEBODY when Nelson Mandela write you a letter, ok?) You don't have to click the link if you don't want to - here's the text:

PARIS – Barack Obama's election as America's first black president unleashed a renewed love for the United States after years of dwindling goodwill, and many said Wednesday that U.S. voters had blazed a trail that minorities elsewhere could follow.

People across Africa stayed up all night or woke before dawn to watch U.S. history being made, while the president of Kenya — where Obama's father was born — declared a public holiday.

In Indonesia, where Obama lived as child, hundreds of students at his former elementary school erupted in cheers when he was declared winner and poured into the courtyard where they hugged each other, danced in the rain and chanted "Obama! Obama!"

"Your victory has demonstrated that no person anywhere in the world should not dare to dream of wanting to change the world for a better place," South Africa's first black president, Nelson Mandela, said in a letter of congratulations to Obama.

Many expressed amazement and satisfaction that the United States could overcome centuries of racial strife and elect an African-American as president.

"This is the fall of the Berlin Wall times ten," Rama Yade, France's black junior minister for human rights, told French radio. "America is rebecoming a New World.

"On this morning, we all want to be American so we can take a bite of this dream unfolding before our eyes," she said.

In Britain, The Sun newspaper borrowed from Neil Armstrong's 1969 moon landing in describing Obama's election as "one giant leap for mankind."

Yet celebrations were often tempered by sobering concerns that Obama faces global challenges as momentous as the hopes his campaign inspired — wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the nuclear ambitions of Iran, the elusive hunt for peace in the Middle East and a global economy in turmoil.

The huge weight of responsibilities on Obama's shoulders was also a concern for some. French former Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin said Obama's biggest challenge would be managing a punishing agenda of various crises in the United States and the world. "He will need to fight on every front," he said.

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev said he hoped the incoming administration will take steps to improve badly damaged U.S. ties with Russia. Tensions have been driven to a post-Cold War high by Moscow's war with U.S. ally Georgia.

"I stress that we have no problem with the American people, no inborn anti-Americanism. And we hope that our partners, the U.S. administration, will make a choice in favor of full-fledged relations with Russia," Medvedev said.

Europe, where Obama is overwhelmingly popular, is one region that looked eagerly to an Obama administration for a revival in warm relations after the Bush government's chilly rift with the continent over the Iraq war.

"At a time when we have to confront immense challenges together, your election raises great hopes in France, in Europe and in the rest of the world," French President Nicolas Sarkozy said in a congratulations letter to Obama.

Poland's Foreign Minister Radek Sikorski spoke of "a new America with a new credit of trust in the world."

Skepticism, however, was high in the Muslim world. The Bush administration alienated those in the Middle East by mistreating prisoners at its detention center for terrorism suspects at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and inmates at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison — human rights violations also condemned worldwide.

Some Iraqis, who have suffered through five years of a war ignited by the United States and its allies, said they would believe positive change when they saw it.

"Obama's victory will do nothing for the Iraqi issue nor for the Palestinian issue," said Muneer Jamal, a Baghdad resident. "I think all the promises Obama made during the campaign will remain mere promises."

In Pakistan, a country vital to the U.S.-led war on the al-Qaida terrorist network and neighbor to Afghanistan, many hoped Obama would bring some respite from rising militant violence that many blame on Bush.

Still, Mohammed Arshad, a 28-year-old schoolteacher in the capital, Islamabad, doubted Obama's ability to change U.S. foreign policy dramatically.

"It is true that Bush gave America a very bad name. He has become a symbol of hate. But I don't think the change of face will suddenly make any big difference," he said.

Obama's victory was greeted with cheers across Latin America, a region that has shifted sharply to the left during the Bush years. From Mexico to Chile, leaders expressed hope for warmer relations based on mutual respect — a quality many felt has been missing from U.S. foreign policy.

Venezuela and Bolivia, which booted out the U.S. ambassadors after accusing the Bush administration of meddling in their internal politics, said they were ready to reestablish diplomatic relations, and Brazil's president was among several leaders urging Obama to be more flexible toward Cuba.

On the streets of Rio de Janeiro, people expressed a mixture of joy, disbelief, and hope for the future.

"It's the beginning of a different era," police officer Emmanuel Miranda said. "The United States is a country to dream about, and for us black Brazilians, it is even easier to do so now."

Many around the world found Obama's international roots — his father was Kenyan, and he lived four years in Indonesia as a child — compelling and attractive.

"What an inspiration. He is the first truly global U.S. president the world has ever had," said Pracha Kanjananont, a 29-year-old Thai sitting at a Starbuck's in Bangkok. "He had an Asian childhood, African parentage and has a Middle Eastern name. He is a truly global president."

___

AP correspondents worldwide contributed to this report.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

a glimpse into JACK

I have a few weaknesses, and although I absolutely refuse to list them here for the world to know and see and use against me (did I just reveal too much right there? ), I will indeed say that there are several songs out there that have a profound effect on me, songs that cannot simply fill the air and drift on by me but that instead that permeate through me, fill my chest with tension and fill my eyes with tears. Others put me in a trance. I'm careful as HELL not to get caught out there like that, though, and you will never, ever find me around if these songs that makes me all sappy comes on on the air. I will change the station or leave the room if I have no control over the airwaves.

The first time ever I saw your face
Look, I don't know what the hell Roberta Flack was thinking - but DAYUM, give a mother fucker a break. After all these years, my posture gets just a little bit better by about note number 4 of this song. And by the time she sings 'i felt the sun rose in your eyes,' I'm fighting the water in mine. And so many people have tried to remake this song - Lauryn Hill sang it, George Michael sang it, Celine Dion sang it. And it's one of those songs that people just need to leave alone. Back the fuck up and stay away from this bitch, mother fuckers - you can't touch it. And then, I heard Leona Lewis sing it ... and my posture got just a little bit better by about note number 4. My mother in law likes this one better than the original - that's debatable of course, but I gotta say that Leona does it for me. And her rendition get a thumbs up from JACK.




The weakness in me
I heard this song only recently, and it's the one that inspired this post. I didn't even know who Keisha White was (sorry to all those K.W. fans, I just didn't know). When I heard it, I found myself listening to it over and over, and over and over again. When I latch on to a song, I'm wont to burn it, for days on end. Ask anyone close to me - it's best to just not be around me when I get like that because it's all you hear and it will drive you crazy - but that's me. Apparently, it was written and performed by the Indigo Girls some years ago - but whatever ... K.W. is where I heard it first and I'm not even interested in any previous version. And I don't care want ANYbody says, bitch is WARRING that dress in this video, and that glance she gives the pianist at the end makes me just wanna eat her UP.



So High
This is what made me a John Legend fan - when this nigga sang, "and we can't get much closer to God than where we are," I wanted to propose. Admittedly, this song puts me more in a trance than it does make me tear up ... but it's damn close. At about 03:20 in this video, he kisses the FUCK out that woman, doesn't he? mmm mmm mmmmm



Safe from harm
I get chills from this one - the Faith in me knows Bebe got it right with this one. I could definitely listen to this for hours when I'm feeling low, or anxious or whatever. Bebe betta SHANG! When he hits the high note singing, "in the eye of the storm there CALM," The chills reach an apex for me. (Yes, I said "SHANG" and "apex" in the same post)



So you would know
This one is too much for me to explain - just listen.




Selfish
I just wanted to end this post on a not so 'drippy wet' mood. I love the shiznit out this song. (And i have the ONLY crush on Toni - just do.) When I was dating 'THAT mother fucker' I had this song on repeat one night to fall asleep to and it played through the night. He came home when I was already asleep and in the morning he wanted to know if I had this song on repeat all night because of him? Uhhhh, no - I just like it. Maybe that was the wrong answer - he wanted to assure me he was all mine. Ummmm, yay? I dunno. I still like the song even though he tried to ruin it for me.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Creating JACK


Remember the guy who bought me a ring? Well, what's very interesting about that situation is that I never told him my real last name. I don't remember ever telling him it was Martinez, but that's what he thinks my last name is. In fact, just a few minutes ago, he called me and said, "Hello Mr. Martinez. How are YOU?"

It took me a bit to compose myself so as not to laugh uproariously into the mouthpiece - and no sooner did the call end did I text Jaded to tell her what happened. Her response, in classic JADED-JACK vernacular?

ME MEOOOO!

Right then and there, I realized I had found JACK's last name. It just HAS to be Martinez. It *must* be.

And so it shall be.

-JACK Martinez

Thursday, September 11, 2008

JACK's Believe it or Not - Take I

99 Bottles of JACK on the wall ...
I really can't believe that this is my 99th post. I think for my 100th, I will BRIEFLY post pictures of my and the babies for me reader's viewing pleasure. Just so you know who the hell JACK is. But they're coming down within 24 hours. I can't justify leaving them up there. So, get your trigger finger at the ready and don't let go of that mouse ... JACK and co. is comin ...


... Take one down and pass it around ...
Not sure if this is for real - but it's the talk of youtube. And I thought I'd share. If it *is* true, it seems we uh have a nigga in the White House either way. *gives Palin pound*



... 98 bottles of JACK on the wall.
Wait - has it been SEVEN years since the Twin Towers came down? Wow. I got a call from the ex-wife today telling me that the kids were asking why there were flags everywhere and she tried her best to explain it. And my son was like, "oh, I seen those pictures of the two planes and the building." Wait - he's 5. No one was explaining Pearl Harbor to me at 5. When I was 5, the world was a safe place where nothing bad happened.

Apparently, his teacher at the daycare has a 9/11 book. Why the hell does the lady in charge of the fucking FOUR YEAR OLDS have a 9/11 book in the house? Seriously?!? I mean, I have a nice, neat collection newspapers and magazine from September 2001 for this express purpose - to show my kids. And THIS bitch wanna drive me to drink for real.

take uhn dwmn psssh it 'rind
I really don't have time to waste. I've already met someone else and I have a date on Saturday. We're going to see the new Tyler Perry movie at 11:30 AM. Ugh @ AM. I'm not you average morning person. Anything before noon is really annoying. But whatever. We've talked and texted every day this week and Jaded already gave him his nickname: Ashy Larry. So, AL and I will finally meet on Saturday. Stay tuned for more.