Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Maybe it's not like riding a bike

OK, so it was an interesting weekend. I was invited to go to the casino with an acquaintance, who offered to pay my train fare round trip from here to there, bankroll my night at the casino and foot the bill for the hotel and dinner. And I really was offended ... do I look like a feeloading whore?

So I got on the 6:00 PM train. I worked on my schoolwork on the way there, working hard to make the time productive. And when I arrived, there he was standing there with a smile on his face. But it wasn't the smile that drew my attention - it was the pants. White, linen-like and white lines (wales, in fact) in the shape of squares all over. They were hideous. And then that choker!

dear god, i hope i win some money on the damn boat

So, he drives me around and pays to drive into the marina to park - only he doesn't park ... he just drives around and then out. So, he paid to drive by the water.


Then we get to the hotel, because I refused to leave my laptop in the car while we gambled and he checked us in. Holiday Inn ... it used to be a Motel 8, I'm sure of it. But whatever ... we're going to the boat. So, off we go.

We eat as soon as we get there and I order the biggest steak I have ever seen - except I didn't realize I was ordering the iggest steak I'd ever seen ... and I don't eat the whole thing ... and at this steakhouse, dinner for two ran him $107. And I didn't even finish my steak!

Well, he made the offer

So we get into the casino and he gives me a crisp $100 bill. Benjamin and I proceed to hang out at the slots and Mr. Man decides he's going to play roulette. I'm up $100 on this $0.02 machine (I love penny, two-penny and nickle slots - the ones with the bonus rounds and you get to touch the screen and make all these other choices - pure fun) and he comes back to announce that he's down $1,000.


I go into this distribe about how that's a mortgage payment and then catch myself that he prolbably doesn't feel too good about losing the money so I change the subject.

We have to stop at the store to buy a few things ... he pick up a 12 pack of trojan ultra thins.

TWELVE?!?! Um, riiiiiiittttteee.

And he picks up the wrong lube and so I switch them out. He wonders what I picked out because apparently he's never heard of astroglide. SMH - poor guy. So, at the register I notice this other purchase i don't recognize and he grabs the box from me so that I don't see what it is.

Back at the hotel, he goes to the vending machine and I pick up this mystery purchase. It's a sexual enhancement pill for men. I'm mad as hell. So laying there in the dark and in no mood to play, I bring this up.

"Why did you buy that?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were pleased"

"And taking a pill was gonna do it?"

So we discussed that he was just thinking I would like it ... and unless we're married and in love, I'm not into long sessions at all. Let's get to the nut and keep it moving. Don't whisper in my ear, don't caress my neck, don't play with my hair. It's actually quite simple: Don't talk, just fuck.

His heart is pounding by this point. Turns out he took 2 pills ... the instruction I read said one pill. And so, now what's going through my head?

WTF am I gonna do if this nigga's heart explodes? I was worried for a while there and then I realized that his cell phone was RIGHT there ... and certainly there's an entry for "MOM" and she'd have to deal with the shit. I'd call the police, call his mother ... and get on the next train. The cause of death would be the pills and not homocide, so why the fuck do I care.

And the festivities began. Only - it wasn't festive. I really, really tried ... but the trojan ultra thin 12-pack is still intact. He never reached for them, he never put one on and therefore he never got anymore than my company. Maybe it had been so long for him that he just didn't know what to do.

Meanwhile, I came home with more money than I left with. And I didn't even text him to tell him I got home like he asked me to. I mean, seriously ... why?!?


The Jaded NYer said...

seriously, run that errand for me. you know the one I mean.

and see if you can be here for your mom's "emergency" before the summer is over LMAO!!!

Anonymous said...

Given the pants, maybe he's a distant cousin of Rogers Patrick.

JACK said...

Jaded, I'm going to work on it - you'll see.

Anon, they weren't so seer suckery ... the wales were kinda fuzzy-like. Both equally as terrible, though.

Anonymous said...

HEEEEEEEEEEEY!!! That was more than I could take. At least your social circle is getting bigger! haha!

JACK said...

Anon: heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyy. What you mean that was more than you can take? It wasn't even graphic or ANYTHING.

Unless it actually made you laugh. If that's the case, you will need to point at him the next time you laugh - that's all.

Kieya said...

"WTF am I gonna do if this nigga's heart explodes?"


You pack your shit, wipe down the room & get rid of any evidence you were there lol

JACK said...

Kieya, Honey - that crossed my mind too. Like walk out backwards wiping everything down with one of those hotel towels.

it's spelt: j.e.n.i said...

"I was worried for a while there and then I realized that his cell phone was RIGHT there ... and certainly there's an entry for "MOM" and she'd have to deal with the shit."

15 pairs of eyes turned to stare at the loud black girl who couldn't hold in her laughter anymore. toooo funny!!!

just a random stranger strolling through.

great blog, i'll be back (in the non-creepy manner of course lol)