Size queens are crazy

I never understood size queens. I prefer my men to be of human proportions - that is, human-sized dicks are best fit for ... well, HUMANS. Especially for us humans without birth canals.

Birth canals are perfectly designed to handle those gi-normous, superhuman dicks > 9" long. And then girth?!? Dear LAWD - without a birth canal, girth is just plaing annoying.

Now, I've seen a birth canal morphe into some elastic band of rubber to accomodate the shoulder-to-shoulder width of a 7lb. 12oz infant (Why women fear the crowning of the head is beyond me - there's not been such a parting as that of a birth canal accomodating the shoulders of an infant since that Moses raised his staff over the red sea.)

My philosopy stands - I am *NOT* a size queen ... and I absolutely REFUSE to sit on a dick that makes a standard flashlight look like a AA battery.

unless he's the 6'4" inch, intelligent, charming, funny conservative nigga I had lunch with yesterday.

I had a nice time on my date with Mr. $299 for a Mattress, but you know my propensity to find something to be critical of, right? (OMG, you're thinking ... JACK actually knows this about himself? Yes, I do) So, the mattress broke the deal there and so I had to tell him that the chemistry wasn't there and we needed to hang out just as friends.

299 was gracious about it. He didn't need to know that I had already had a lunch date with 6'4 ... and that I invited 6'4 to my place last night ... really, it was superfluous information and really not something he needed to know.

And so 6'4 comes on over - see, it turns out that a couple of years ago he and I were actually chatting online, but never met. And that at the time we were both living in Indianpolis. And now, we happen upon each other again and when we connected on yahoo IM, we realized that we knew each other ... although we never met in person. And we now both live in the same part of town in Chicago ... during lunch, we talked about how weird it was and he looked at me coyly and said, "maybe it's fate."

"MAYbe," I said smiling.

FAST FORWARD TO THE EVENING

So, I get to the unveiling - and when I pull down his sweatpants (and OH. MY. GAWD. Do I love a man in sweats!) ... there I find out ...

Good God Almighty - this thing is ENORMOUS.

My usual response at this point is to ask, "um, what you gon' do with THAT?" Because, um - I'm no size queen. And this isn't going any further. But I didn't, although I did react ... and he DID notice.

THIS nigga wanna say, "I'm sorry it's small - it's all I got."

I roll my eyes and say, "Hush it up."

... and since my title pane CLEARLY says this blog is rated "R," thems all the details I'm spilling. But suffice it to say, It's 12 hours later and this Kool-Aid smile of mine has not subsided and shows no sign of doing so because he texted me this morning to say, "I meant to say last night was soooo good."

Yes. Yes it was.