Sunday, May 17, 2009

Ranting a la JACK (Take II)

I'm a fat bastard.

I have gained weight in the last 12 months to proportions that embarrass me. 20 pounds. 20 goddam pounds. At 5'6" .. 20 pounds is so much worse than you're imagining. This schedule of back and forth between two different cities every week pretty much sucked all desire out of me to go to the gym. and I haven't gone.

But you know what - Spend 6 hours a week driving ... and you'd be amazed at how many bags of Mickey D's end up strewn about the car.

And leave it to my kids to hand my ass back to me about my weight. While working on her homework, I ask my daughter "What's a kilogram?"

"It's a lot, a lot ... A TON - like you!"

My face went stoic-blank. And I simply blinked. OK, so I know what she meant ... and I'm a beached whale in her eyes.

Later in the day, we're listening to Lady Gaga and dancing all around the living room. My daughter says,

"Stop shaking your butt!"

"Baby, that's just me"

"That's right - your butt jiggles even when you walk."

With that - I'm back on my diet and gym routine. 10 pounds per month is my goal. If I can't lose the weight, I'm amputating a leg.


One Man’s Opinion said...

A ton like you....that is wrong, but funny as hell.....You gotta love kids.