Friday, August 1, 2008

Black by Injection

For the longest time, I've claimed to be Black. It's my own terminology and definitely a JACKism. And I thought I would share a thought or two that ran through my mind since the last time I uttered these words.

An injection of Black doesn't automatically make you Black by Injection. I mean, it just doesn't. I've seen many a white gurl turning on the attitude and the turning up the volume and trying to be all hard because they fucked a Black dude ... and you can just SEE that they're trying. TRAH-RYYYYY-IIINNNNGGG. It comes across as racist rubbish, as if she can see how Black acts and emulate it ... as if it Black were an angora sweater you put on when you want to be all fancy and shit. Well, it's not. It simply is not.

I feel it's all about acceptance. I really have no qualms about walking in any neighborhood whatsoever. You know, one time I was stranded in Birmingham, Alabama (I curse Delta to this very day!) and was at the hotel bar. I needed cigarettes and asked the bartender where the nearest gas station was. He told me and it was a long ways, according to his "I drive everywhere I go" sense of distance, but I said I could totally walk it. He said he would be happy to drive me. So, he actually drove me. He was a little "Vinny" looking mother fucker with a high pitched voice and I almost died when this little dude pulled up in his Mazda Miata. Oh, what a sight. Well, I got in it and he proceeded to explain to me that he wanted to drive me because I would have had to walk through "the Black neighborhood."

I was mad on two fronts.

  1. Who the fuck did he think he was projecting his racism on me! That shit pissed me off. As if that because I have an olive skin tone that means that I should automatically be afriad of Blacks. Fuck him!
  2. You mean I coulda met me a brutha on the way to the gas station?!? And now I'm stuck in this little-man-syndrome of a car with VINNY?!?! AHHHHHHHH MMMMMMANNNNN.
So we got to the gas station and there they were! MY PEOPLE!!! Vinny walked in with me - I think he thought he was trying to protect me. And you know what? He made me feel less safe. That little mother fucker following me everywhere really made me feel like an eyesore. Nigga, I was fittin in just fine until you became my gas station shadow! I stalled, hoping the Miata would be on concrete blocks without tires by the time we got out there. But no - nobody fucked with his car. (It wasn't a Latino neighborhood after all)

But, back to my point. Black is not an angora sweater. (And, yes - I *had* to pick angora. I'm fucking GAY!). So, to all those who think it is: you totally look whack and no one really respects you. You either got the swagger or you don't. So, perhaps 'Black by Injection' is a misnomer. But I like it anyway.

But back to it being about acceptance. In my experience, the Black culture is the most accepting on the entire planet - for all the shit you can say about it (whether from within it or without it) I have got to say that I personally feel embraced by the culture. And with EVERY interracial couple I know ... EVERY LAST GODDAM ONE ... if there's one side of the family that's less accepting, it's the one that isn't Black.

Now about the term Black - some people prefer African American, and if that's you - don't put me on blast, please. The official PC term is Black (capitalized B) as defined by the American Psychological Association and so that's what I go with. I have to write all my damn school papers in APA style and so it just stuck. And if you're part of the Black co-culture that prefers the term African Ameripean - again, don't put me on blast. I know you exist and I know your opinions exist ... I just follow the rules I'm asked to follow by academia so I can get my damn Masters degree already

Whatever - I feel like I'm rambling now. Suffice it to say, I wear Black well and I don't mean it like I'm wearing rabbit. I mean that I am totally Black, by injection.

(which is why i say puerto rican is the new brown)



clnmike said...

Lol, This was a hella good post.

I need that one.

Mrs. Manny Ramirez said...

1. The post is just plain funny. Love your wit and insight.

2. I understand and accept the whole "African American" PC terminology but as a lover of our history and movements of social justice in this country I also understand what it meant/means to be "Black" and I like it.

Kieya said...

i take no offense to the term "black"
i embrace it
i love it
i beez it lol

and the way you think is the way i thought/think esp back when i lived in the bronx

then i got to college in boston and some of the latinos looked disdainfully at blacks...and i was confused cuz they were/are nothing like the ones back in NY....and that made me sad [except for the one that sang this old reggae song at an event once - i was in LUV..sry tmi lol]

btw, my freshman year I was SURROUNDED by those white girls who thought they were the shit's meow b/c they were dating the black basketball players. they thought they were "down" and would try to engage me in conversation on the latest 50 cent concert [verbatim no lie].

Listen anybody can get black dick but not everybody can be black

and my late nite rave is over LOL

The Jaded NYer said...

*sad that all the Black dick I've endured, alas, does not make me black*

Why'd you have to burst my bubble???

Kieya said...

LMAO @Jaded

Kieya said...

and that was meant for those ignant ass white girls lol

The F$%K it List said...

This was funny. I love it!

I don't mind when folks call me black , its not that big a deal. but if its some ignorant Mo-fo you know I'm going to light into them.

Jack, Jaded is a fool and so is Kieya. HAHA

JACK said...

clnmike - so glad I was able to bet there for ya, man.

Mrs. MR. - You just earned 1000 cool points for loving my wit AND insight. ANd I love the term Black too. For similar reasons.

Kieya - NY Latinos are a class in and of themselves. I love us. It's like we're all in the same boat - and then you leave NYC and Latinos are all fucked up. Yuh - i said it.

Jaded - all the black dick you ENDURED?!?! Ok, wait - as I think about your suitors, I realize it's the right terminology. Good going.

f$%k it - this blog is a fool magnet ... no need to state the obvious. LMAO, just include yourself too next time. :-P

and yes, let some ignent mfer say some stupid shit ... I'm a lose my mind in a minute.

Super Dave Van Buren said...

jack i think you just became my favorite gay dude. I can't believe I have not been to your blog before.

JACK said...

DAVE! I've never been someone's favorite gay dude. What an honor ... I think.