Saturday, August 23, 2008

When your IQ dips below freezing


My trip to Orlando was fun. Pretty much, I had something to do every night. And Tropical Storm Faye made for an interesting trip too. But even with the palm trees bending like expert Olympic gymnasts, this one mother fucker made the trip memorable. Let's call him Christian (cuz that's his name).

He's one of those people whose oblivion is written across his face. Do you know the type? The ones who really don't understand much and couldn't handle the depths of any conversation that wasn't about gossip or radio playlists? Well, that's him.

He's cute in his own right - a 22 year old gay Puerto Rican who is convinced that getting drunk and taking turns with his friends running out of the front door into the street and back in the middle of a hurricane is a good idea. Cute like that. He's a friend of my friend and my friend knows how much of an asshole JACK can be (i know, you're shocked) and he really should've known better.

Christian asks me if I had aol. Afraid that he would try to hit me up and I would eternally exist on his Buddy List, I said no. He went on to tell me how great AOL was and that everyone has it. So, I played along. "What do you mean - why's it so great?"

Apparently, you can do a lot on aol. You can "talk to people."

JACK: "How the hell you do that?"

Christian: "Well there's a window for it - and you get to pick your own icon."

JACK: "What's an icon?"

Christian: "You can pick your own picture or something - ANYthing, man"

JACK: "Oh, I thought you meant like Tina Turner or someone. Mahatma Ghandi."

Christian: No, an you can choose your own faces. A rainbow face. A teardrop face. A Black face ..."

JACK: "a BLACK face?"

Christian: "yuh, man"

and this back and forth continues as I pretend i have no idea. But then, the BOMB

JACK: How much is it?

Christian: It's only like $9.95

JACK: a month? you pay that?

Christian: Well, I'm like a couple of months behind, but yuh.

At this point, I can't help but lose my poker face and I laugh uproariously, along with my friend. Who turns to him and says:

"you know aol's been free for like two years now, right?"

Christian: what?

JACK: lafflafflafflafflafflafflafflaff

Friend: yuh, why don't you call them and tell them you want the free plan

Christian: do I still have to pay the past due bills?

JACK: lafflafflafflafflafflafflafflafflafflafflaff

I've decided that an education not only increases your income potential, it also decreases your expenses.

4 comments:

Super Dave Van Buren said...

wow.. that's funny. If AOL had like 10 million more users like him they would still be profitable.

The Jaded NYer said...

MAAAAN! you shold have offered to sell him the Brooklyn Bridge... they we could've taken the money and gone to VEGAS!!!

remorji said...

That is sad, but in the same light funnier than a MOTHER

JACK said...

Clydesdale: There's nothing like telling everyone it's free and then accepting payments from the bitches who don't listen. aol's classy.

Lioness: omg! such a wasted opportunity.

remorji: Welcome to my blog. And yes, I felt bad for him while I laughed in his face. I did.