... because I CANT swallow, that's why!

I walked around Sunday feeling a bit under the weather and as the day progressed I felt worse. Driving back to Chicago that night was awful. My entire body was achy and I longed for a massage. On Monday morning, I woke up feeling like I'd rather be forced to watch The View than swallow. And I knew I needed to see the doctor ... post haste!

So, I find an immediate care facility near my job and take the train in. If it's a viral infection, I'm just going into work, I figured. So, the nurse gets this q-tip the size of a Louisville Slugger and gags the fuck out of me.

WOMAN! How the fuck long you gotta be back there!

And with tears rolling down my face, I pull away. And do you know what this cunt says to me? Do you KNOW?

"I need to get the other side"

The OTHER side? Dear LAWD, the other side of what? My NECK!?

So, I let her go back there again and we repeat the whole process. I *promise* you the sadistic sonofabitch was doing it just for kicks.

And sure enough - it's STREP. The dreaded strep throat.

The doctor tells me that that's likely where my loss of appetite was coming from.

JACK THINKING: "what loss of appetite? who told this crackhead I lost my appetite. All i do is eat! I've got the spare tire to prove it

JACK IN REAL LIFE: "OOOHHHH"

*shrug* whatever, doc. You're akin to Jesus - blahblahblah - you saved my life - wahwahwahwahwahwah - what would I do without you - yuhyuhyuh

JUST GIVE ME THE FUCKING SCRIPT.

So, although I'm feeling much better, it still feels funny when I swallow. Apparently, I'm no longer contagious, but there's still DEAD shit clinging to my tonsils with tentacles like octopuses or something.

It's quite the visual - I wish Jaded were here to draw a picture for me. She's a much better artist that she is a singer. Just ask N.