Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Random steam

Would you steal this bike?

I laughed out loud when i walked outside for a smoke and saw this thing tied up in front of the building. I mean, I suppose it's possible that the owner takes the seat with him when he makes his deliveries, but it's not totally out of the realm of possibility that messenger-owner of this bike rides it around downtown Chicago looking just. like. this. It's not. But to see it chained up and looking all decrepit made me smile.

Why are you fucking with me?

Dunkin Donuts has this great new lite and fit and whatever they call it menu where things are 300 calories or less. Starbucks? I walk up to the sign that says "here are some tasty choices that you can feel really good about" and the mother fucker is empty! EMPTY! I just froze and stared. Blank-faced. Increduled, I left - buying nothing.

"HOLY COW" - Phil Rizutto

I'm sorry - this one made me laugh. And I can't WAIT to get JADED's reaction. That marketing campaign was riddled with potential, but I've not seen anything since. I mean, TONS of potential.

There's someone for everyone

Decrepit bike was still there when I went back out for a smoke a little bit later. This time, with a friend. *cue porn music*

(I especially like the two dudes I caught walking across the street as if away from their bikes. And they're strolling touch-close ... which warms my heart ... from laughing so hard)


I can't seem to get work done - and it's not for blogging, because you know I haven't been around much. This process they've got at work is SO inefficient and stupid ... I spent three times as much effort getting things done and then twice THAT amount trying to devise a new process that will work. I'm almost there - 60 more days and this god forsaken process will be OVER.

Until then, I've decided that I need a small Malaysian kid to work for me and help me get this stuff off my desk. S/he would have to hide somewhere in my office and come out ONLY when no one was looking. I'd totally pay $0.02 cents per hour. If s/he gets caught, I get to kick him/her in the face. Fuck ethics - we're in a RECESSION.

There's TOTALLY gotta be a Web site for that, right?


The Jaded NYer said...

I knew it.

I knew Jesus was not rooting for the Mets.

I knew it.

But seeing as the Cubs suck even worse ass than my boys do, I'm not too sure I want his sandal-wearing, sea-parting, water walking ass anywhere near CitiField.

I'm just sayin...