Monday, March 30, 2009

Moody by design

I felt it creeping up on me all week. I wasn't sleeping well, have been traveling a lot (Four days in Nashville, Five days in Austin, One night in Detroit for being stranded there, 3 hours in Houston on account on a long ass layover, six days in Indianapolis and 8 days in Chicago) and I know my body ... and my moods. I mean, you know this about me, right? I'm kind of moody? I know, you ain't shocked. Shut up.

And then there's that JADED whose cycle is a vortex that pulls me around in mind numbing circles periodically ... so, i can always tell when that bitch is in a funk because you know what? I'm in a funk too!

She had the nerve to tell me one day that I'm on HER cycle cuz she's the man in this bitch.


I love the shit out her.

But anyway, I knew I was feeling out of whack and that I was going to be moody. The whole "thing" last night was lackluster and I'm not one to sit and wonder if things will get better. I'm moody and I don't give a shit right now. This morning he asked me if I was coming over tonight ...

Nigga, HELL NO. I hardly got any sleep. His bed is archaic and it's one of the most hugest turn offs for me. I remember this one nigga I met up with one day ... his bed was fucking HEAVEN. I wasn't really all that into him (I know, and yet I was in his bed - don't push it, I'm moody) but I kept asking him for his bed. In fact, I remember telling Jaded that I didn't want him - just his bed.

And like I really meant it.

But, oh. my. god. If you sleep on a bed that fucking creeks when you move - it's a mattress you ain't had NO BUSINESS spending money on. And I'm not playing. The whole bed thing became an issue when I was seeing this guy who invited me over to his house ... the one he was moving OUT from.

Since he was moving out, the place was in shambles - and that made sense. He had stacked all his shit on his bed to sort through it ... and I mean ALL his shit. His closet was empty but his bed was stacked with shit to the rafters. He was sleeping on an air mattress downstairs while he got it together.

And do you know that this nigga tried to dress the damn air mattress? Oh, honey, no. "We ain't laying on THAT, are we?"

He froze there on all fours while making the air mattress and turned his head to look at me. His face was blank. "I guess not."

"Um, I'm totally mattress worthy," I said to him.

"You gon make me move all that shit, aren't you ..."

I said not a fucking word and just stared at him, smiled and took a drag of my cigarette. He spent the next 20 minutes making trips upstairs and taking the stack off his bed and setting his stuff all over the living room ... while I smoked.

Don't come at me with some stupidness. And invest in a comfortable mother fucking mattress. Skip the $300 ipod or that "gotta have it" cell phone and add it to the $300 you have for a mattress and buy something in the $600 + range.

Seriously, I slept like SHIT last night and it's totally ruining this shit for me. Lack of sleep makes me irritable and sleeping on those $299 mattresses hurts my back. And for the love of God - don't buy a full size, carajo! Queen or bigger. Y YA!

And don't mother fucking lie about shit you KNOW i'm gonna find out. Like that one dude who said he was 35 ... except after we met he tells me he's 42. I actually don't give a fuck how hold you are (as long as you're over 27), but the fact that you lied about it ... well, that now makes it an issue.

But about your endowment?!? Much like I don't care how old you are, the size of your dick isn't an issue. As a matter of fact, there *IS* such a thing as too big. I'm *NOT* a size queen .. I prefer everything to fit.

But why, why WHY lie? KNOWING I'm gonna find out. And I can TOTALLY tell the difference between 8 inches and 6. Seriously, I know the difference.

TRUST ME. I know the difference. *wink*

The fact that you lied about it? Annoying as hell. And maybe I could chalk it all up to your being self-conscious about it, fine ... But your mattress sucks! Ay no, I can't. I spent $600 on mine ... and I have a platform bed without a box spring. I don't do $399 sets. Sorry.

I get TOTALLY petty when I'm moody - I accept it. Suffice it to say I turned down the offer to go back there again tonight. For WHAT!? For his mattress to blow my back out?

And don't buy THIS shit either!


That Dude Right There said...

"... and I have a platform bed without a box spring."

Me too!!! Aren't they the best!!!!