Thursday, January 7, 2010

Santa's a Bitch

My daughter wrote out a Christmas list on Christmas eve, a list in addition to the one she already had. She wanted Santa to replace a broken DS and put that under the tree. A fair exchanged, she thought. When everyone was asleep, I picked up all the stuff she left under the tree and hid it in my bag. When I got to Chicago and unpacked it, there it was ... written on the back of her list ... in HER handwriting: "For my family to stop smoking."

Clearly, it tugged on my heart strings. I've been smoking since I was 18 ... their mom came down with breast cancer and is only just now having her hair grow back from all the chemo ... and my kids are kinda freaked out. So, I made the decision to buy patches instead of a carton of cigarettes. I'm currently on day 3 without a cigarette. My last one was on Monday evening.

So, I've got this pair of hand grips and I keep them in my coat pocket. I'm totally exercising the fuck out those things because withdrawal symptoms are a bitch and a half. I'm on edge, folks - on edge.

This here quitting is like Death by Patch, and I blame Santa. That fuckface is making me about to check into a methadone clinic on account of the fact that I am a big time addict. I mean, I knew I liked to smoke ... but the gravity of my addiction? I had no idea. LET a monther fucker say something stupid to me ... I'm all about it, dammit.

That coworker of mine who came out his face at me today? I haven't been THAT close to losing it at work ... EVER. I held it in as best I could ... and then headed to my hand grips to pump away like a maniac.

I'm told this last about a week before it gets better. It's probably a good thing I chose Monday so that I'm not like this during the weekend. But, suffice it to say ... Santa is a cunt.


.::.~*Dovie*Lee*~.::. said...

this is so big and mature of you and really shows your commitment and devotion as a real father. This is an important milestone for you health wise and relationship wise. Leave the Cancer Sticks alone..and I come from the largest tobacco state...NORTH CAROLINA so i know smoking! Although I have never and will not ever personally.

PhlyyGirl said...

You really really make me pray I find someone like you when its time for me to spawn something. I'm so impressed by your dedication to your kids, even though I know you didn't do it to impress anyone but them.
With that being said. Bwhwhahahahahaah @ the image of you clenching those damn grips. you bout to have some strong ass hands by the end of the week!
I wish you luck cause I'm going through the same thing.