Sunday, January 17, 2010

JACK's Self Aware

I've taken to making a whole to of changes at the same time. And it seems like one of those New Year's Resolutions gone Wild, but not one thing is based on the calendar year. It's coincidental, at best. What's NOT coincidental is the fact that I'm indeed doing it all at once. Let me talk about two of them:

I Quit Smoking
When my daughter wrote "For my Family to Quit Smoking" on her little note and put it under the tree before she went to bed Christmas eve, I thought I might cry. I could just picture her writing it and really wanting me to not be a smoker. I remembered how I wanted the same thing for my mother when I was a kid and how I longed for her to quit and how she now has emphysema and is certain to succumb to it eventually ... it really struck a chord.

Once, some time between fifth and eighth grade, I took The Great America Smokeout a little bit too seriously. When I came home from school I hid all the smoking paraphernalia: cigs, lighters, matches, ashtrays ... EVERYTHING. Sometime after nightfall and before bedtime, my mother walked up to me while I was lying on the floor and grabbed my shirt collar, lifted me up off the floor a little bit and made it abundantly clear that I was soon to meet my maker if she didn't get all her stuff back. Hey - at least she made it until after dark.

I'm trying to lose weight (again)
In 2006 - I slimmed down pretty good. In fact, I lost 40 pounds! I think I might have overdone it. I probably should have only lost 25. Now that I've gained it all back, that's my goal. 25 pounds. Just so that I don't die and them bastard pallbearers don't complain about how much I fucking weigh. You know how them gays don't respect even the dead and shit ...

Do you know how fucking retarded it is to diet and quit smoking at the same mother fucking time? I mean, to add insult to injury, I'm working on ceasing the tomfoolery dating-ridiculous-dudes-for-the-express-purpose-of-having-something-to-blog-about nonsense that I'm NOT writing about in this post ... and so I can't even put one of THEM in my mouth ... no fucking cigarette, no damn zingers, ho hos, oatmeal cream pies, cartwheels .. or ANYTHING ...

And look, I know what I'm doing. I'm totally aware that I'm doing everything at the same time only because even if I fail at something, I still have other opportunities to find something I've succeeded at ... you know, if I have a cigarette, I can always focus on the fact that I've lost a pound or two ... or, if I hose down a top in Gun Oil, wrap him in cellophane and ride him like it's the last express train to Howard, at least I haven't had a cigarette that day ...

It's maddening that I'm totally aware of it and am still brain-fucking myself and I'm letting it work. That's some crazy shit, I swear. But let a FYNE nigga come up to me offering to face fuck me while I pump iron and totally condoning my having an afterglow cigarette to get the taste out my mouth ... and he might just get the best workin-off-all-this-tension sex he wants and more.

YEAH - I said it. AND what, mfer ... AND what?


.::.~*Dovie*Lee*~.::. said...



TomS said...

I've been reading your blog for a little while, just wanted to tell you how much I have enjoyed it.

I've been working my own journal for about 4 months and it is nice to be inspired by wcell-written pieces like yours.

Hope you'll visit some time.

Good luck with the smoking/weight dilemma. You are on the right track my friend.

The Jaded NYer said...

I think your patch is broken LOL

fuzzy said...

You're doin way too much at one time. So your outlet is gonna be wild sex when you get a craving for a cigg or a piece of cheesecake? I mean it has potential to work! ;-)

JACK said...

Dovie - I'm making ZERO promises about the N word. Growing up NYer, it's like saying "dude" ... It's really not an issue for me. Sorry boo. :( But otherwise, yes - I'm being practical. Thank you.

Tom - Thanks for the accolades. I should probably blog more often, but I'm not nearly as zany abou tit like I was at first. I'm approaching post 300 though - wow.

Jaded - I'm already pissed at your moon rising and setting exactly as mine does ... don't even start!

Fuzzy - so, yuh .. do YOU have potential too? *coy smile*

yet another black guy said...

You horny little motherfucker! Of course this is not a new state, but I just felt like throwing that out there haha. Good for you on stopping smoking and hitting the gym harder. We gon' stunt on hoes when we go shirtless to the beach mayne :)

Toy Couture said...

"I'm working on ceasing the tomfoolery dating-ridiculous-dudes-for-the-express-purpose-of-having-something-to-blog-about"


Dieting & trying to stop smoking is alot to do at once.

Love the blog!

Rodrigo said...

Hey Jack! It's been forever, forgive me. I love this post and I have been reading although not commenting, get back in touch with me when you get the chance, anyways. Looks like you have great things planned for the New Year!

gee said...

All the fucking will contribute to the weight loss, so it's totally justified.

Happy fucking.