Friday, May 1, 2009

Bitch, you owe me

Would you believe I was a prude? It's true. Obviously, I'm not so much a prude anymore. But some of these mfers out there got me wondering if it's just not totally worth it to go back to being that damn prude ... that, don't touch me, you're too close kinda prude.

It's only been about the last 18 months or so that I've really come into my own about my sexuality ... and I don't mean that I've recently figured out that "oh wow, I really AM gay!" Trust me, I so already knew that.

I mean that I used to be this sheltered little bastard who thought that there really WAS a prince charming out there ... I know, stupid. But I held out ... and held out ... and then held out some more ...

And now, fuck it - I just PUT out. And so, THAT'S the kind of coming into my own that I'm refering to. I'm actually doing the casual sex thing - and, although I think in many ways it IS working for me ... in some ways, it is not.

For instance - not every nigga out there invests in a good mattress ... and others still need to invest in a "Topping, for Dummies" book. I mean, some of these niggas out there are a trip and a half. I mean, make it so that it wasn't even worth it to make the trip to his place ... or to the meeting place ... or to whereever.

So, I'm instituting a new rule ... if you're totally whack, I want my money back. Whatever I spent to get there, etc. I want it back. I have several of these mother fuckers to make ... but if you want the template, holla atcha boy ... I gotchu!


7 comments:

The Jaded NYer said...

I'm printing at least ten copies of this shit right. this. minute.

what's the statute of limitations on bad sex?? like, can I send an invoice to C???

Irene said...

Oh My God!

Jack...are a GENIUS!!!

The F$%K it List said...

too funny! I am going to distribute to all my single friends. There are a few folks I know that needed this last night hahah

Mo said...

They should also sign a contract that stipulates failure to pay will result in an ass kickin...just sayin

Evy said...

lmfao!

clnmike said...

LMAO!

fuzzy said...

I'm mad that you're only charging $30 per hour! what the hell! I start at $50 just for being in ones company1 rate jumps to $90 if there's touching and $125 if there is a release of body fluids! hahaha