Saturday, January 3, 2009

The Little Paper that Couldn't

I really just wanna take one of my son's toy trains and beat the ever living fuck out of it, for posterity's sake. May it lie stomped on the ground, destroyed in effigy if only because there really isn't a real little mother fucking engine that could. As I sit here and struggle with this stupid fucking paper for a class I didn't finish last semester, I encounter the same roadblock that I did over a month ago. Writer's block, a marked desire to do anything else, a refusal of my brain to comprehend what the hell it is I'm SUPPOSED to write, a boycott from thinking about anything academic ... all of it. I just can't seem to get this shit done. And what would it hurt my son if I destroyed one of his toy trains? Huh? He has dozens and scores of trains laying at the bottom of toy chests all over this house - he won't really notice, right? He won't ever know that I tore one of his trains to splintered little bits and I'll still be the best daddy in the whole world to him, right?

But I'll know - and it'll eat at me that I destroyed something that he so loves. A train. A fucking TRAIN. And what a conundrum I find myself in - the story of the little engine that could is mocking me and I can't do anything about it, not even in effigy, because my son LOVES trains.

I don't want to do this paper - the class is stupid, I won't need it and I can't be bothered with this nonsense! But I HAVE to do it. Stupid, no good, life lesson, blah blah blah, bitch ass paper.

THERE! I said it.

In other related news
My professor from another class, my independent study, wrote me that he enjoyed reading my final paper about how my being Latino and having a marital connection to the Black culture has shaped my world view and my professional practice. He mentioned how the minority perspective isn't really represented in the curriculum in the university and it really should be.

I politely wrote him back (names changed to protect identity's, cuz that's how we do here at JGC, unless you're picking your nose in public and I have my camera phone):

Thank you HARRY; I really did enjoy this project. I agree that these perspectives should be better incorporated into the DEPARTMENT'S curriculum. I have enjoyed the curriculum and have learned a tremendous amount about the AE field since starting in January 2006, but very little of it (in my opinion) focuses on power and other issues that the typical minority deals with in the classroom. I understand that to many people these types of factors are invisible and I don't fault anyone for being oblivious to forces they do not know about, understand or have had to live with, I really don't. But I do believe that adult educators need to be made aware that these issues are very real because they impact transfer of learning in tremendous ways.

Have you ever tried to research the history of the education of adults in the Black community? No? Interestingly enough, data is scarce.

Really!? Scarce? You mean people haven't been documenting things about the Black community? stttttoooooopppp.

But I really did enjoy that independent study, which I chose specifically because no other class I was taking or had taken was dealing with it. We'll see. I wonder if he'll ask me to get involved in some diversification effort of the department's curriculum.

I know, I know - who am I kidding. He's not going to change a fucking thing.

I'll let you know if I'm wrong - but I think I'm more likely to see Jesus do The Chicken Noodle Soup.

Lettin' it rain, and pourin' it out,


PS (notice how I totally diverted even YOUR attention away from this stupid fucking paper I have to write ... ugh.)


clnmike said...

Papers like that on a subject Im not interested in I usually give the skimp treatment. I'll write down a couple of sentences every 30 min to an hour just to get a slow leak going on till I finally get a full page than I'll go back and try to pull it together.

JACK said...

clnmike - that's about how it's going. But I haven't typed a damn thing. I read a little, get disgusted and come back to it later. I'll give your way a whirl and see what happens ... tomorrow.

The Jaded NYer said...

pero mira este... writing freakin blog posts when he has a paper to do!! Where are your priorities?!

*gets a phone call from MFA Thesis*

THESIS: Hi, pot? This is Kettle...


JACK said...

mhmm - no vengas con ese cuento.

And I have been doing VERY well managing my blog time, evidenced by the scarcity of my posts.

Oh, look, your blog has a trillion posts now. hmm. weird.

The Jaded NYer said...

What the...???


*crying* Why you had to go there, man... you know I write a lot of my posts ahead of time *sniffle* I wrote Mari's bday post back in October!!! *sniffle* you're just a big ol bully!

JACK said...

Hawwwnnneeey, please. We here at JGC are gayer than a liberace candelabra ... your tears don't work here. Try clnmike's page.

The Jaded NYer said...

CURSES! foiled again...

JACK said...


I finished that God forsaken paper and just submitted it, along with a shorter paper that I threw together and will probably get 1 point on - I just didn't care anymore. I'm so spent - but it's done. And I officially have only one class left to finish my masters degree

(that is if I managed to get at least 52 out of the 140 points available for those two papers - keep your fingers crossed)

Super Dave Van Buren said...

you've made my day with images of Jesus doing the chicken noodle soup. in my mind the apostles are background dancers.. lol

JACK said...

SuperDave: It's SO funny to me how different people take different things away from my posts. I thought the Jesus/Chicken Noodle Soup bit was funny, but no one else mentioned it. Thanks - glad you enjoyed.