Things Fall Together

You know those doldrums that make you feel like nothing's right? When you're all alone with your thoughts (even if you're in a crowded room) and feel ill at ease with life as a whole? When you begin to wonder why you don't have what you think you should have, or what you want to have? When you realize that you want more because what you have is all crap?

I go through those times every now and again, a ritual of sorts I suppose. I've accepted those times as a part of life, as those emotional valleys that I need to walk through in order to climb out of and overcome. That's not to say that I enjoy them - but I accept them and behave accordingly. I try to have more alone time; I try not to really associate much with people. Instead, I let music roll over me as if it were a watery wave of the sea and I spend time in a musical underwater world with just me. Kinda like spongebob, but without the crabs and stuff.

I think I suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder at times ... but not the kind diagnosed by psychologists for which I need Ritalin. I'm talking about the kind of attention I want from a mate - that kind of Attention Deficit. There really is no pill to swallow for my type of ADD ... it's the type of ADD that could only be cured with the perpetual smell of dick on my hands.

Did he just say that!?

Of COURSE I did, this is JGC, dammit!

But not just random passersby dick - but one dick in particular. The same dick. The same smell, everyday. The kind of scent that sticks to you like feathers stick to a man rolled in tar. I mean a GOOD smell! MMMM. MMMM. MMMM. A smell that only you can smell. That only you can recognize. The kind that makes you know that Chante's not the only one who's got a man at home (even though she doesn't anymore) ... The kind that makes you smile in the middle of a serious work meeting and garners funny looks from associates and co-workers. THAT kind.

I was feeling that ADD this week, pretty regularly since about 10:15pm on 12.31.2008 when Carson Daily started asking everyone on TV who was going to get their New Year's kiss. That fuckface ruined my night

awwww, come AWN, Carson ... that wasn't even on my damn mind!

So, I was a little bit down after that and I transcended into the new year rather ambivalently. (Only here at JGC can we talk about the smell of dick on the hand and also use the word "ambivalently." I love JGC). That ambivalence turn to a bit of moodiness the next day and I found myself really feeling the JGC-defined ADD coming on. I wanted a man's attention. Yes, it's more than sex, but the need for flowery JGC language takes a hold of me and I can't help myself. (dick scent on the hand is pricelessly funny and there's got to be a shock factor - otherwise, who would come!) But I figured I wanted some stability and someone to call home.

I declared some months ago here on JGC that I wasn't looking for it and that if it happened it was a bonus - and that remains true. I'm not out there looking for a relationship. But not looking for it doesn't mean I don't think about it in my underwater spongebob-without-the-crabs world when i begin suffering from JGC-defined ADD.

Look, if Starbucks can make names up and act like it's Old English, so the fuck can I

So, it would be really nice to have a Venti Man Mocha Latte, with an extra pump and one Splenda. (Not too much sugar, please) But I'm not out there with my Venti Man rifle like some Faggot Elmer Fudd during rabbit season.

I just wanna FUCK like a rabbit with someone whose company I actually LIKE

Until then, I'll focus on completing my degree (no, I HAVEN'T finished my paper, carajo!) and after I get it in May, who knows - maybe I'll take up prostate milking.

Is there a class for that?

(oh, I have a date on Monday - I'm praying both of his eyes point in the same direction at all times, that he doesn't fall asleep spontaneously and without warning or suffer from tirouettes syndrome or have a peg leg with a kick stand or have a nasty facial tick or a missing tooth or collects body parts in jars of formaldehyde ... pray with me)