Krabby Patty

You know that type of person that is never happy? Always trying to find something to complain about? Not even the 'glass half empty' type - but the 'who the fuck drank half my tea!?' type ....

and not just the 'who the fuck drank half my tea' type, but the type that goes around telling EVERYBODY that someone drank their fucking tea ... and it's rude to drink someone's tea.

You know the type?

Well there one of those curmudgeons here in my office - she's a miserable wretch. I mean, the biggest bitch of a woman EVER. She complains about every fucking thing ... she never volunteers to help anyone out and complains if someone asks for her help. She sucks her teeth and throws mini-tantrums while she "doing your work."

And she's an administrative assistant.

Now, there's nothing wrong with being an AA. But, when you're an AA, it kinda says it right there in your title. You kinda have to assist people. Unfortunately, you don't always get to choose who you assist. And that's not an exclusive expectation of Administrative Assistants. I can't fucking tell you how many mother fuckers I get on the phone with whose voices I really don't care to hear ... and I certainly don't give a fuck that their businesses are struggling and they're laying people off and blah blah blah. But you know what? I kinda have to do it.

Today, she seemed to think she could win an e-mail war with me. WITH WORDS! OMG, I was totally awn iT. ok? She wanted to send me emails with instructions about what *I* had to do. Bitch, slow your row. This too fast for you.

She told me I needed to make a phone call to get the email address of someone she had already been on the phone with. So, I sent her a polite email with instructions to get people's email address when she's already on the phone with them because that's better customer service. Apparently, she says she knew the process. Bitch, obviously not.

So, in the copy room, as fate would have it, Krabby Patty and I bumped into each other ... and she said not a word. And in my most polite, nicest voice (and I wore a smirky smile while I spoke) I said "excuse me."

Krabby Patty did not give me my joy, and Krabby Patty cannot take it away.

So, I've decided that Krabby Patty has ZERO more chances to send me a terse email. If it happens again, JACK is confronting Krabby Patty ... today was fun, knowing that she was fuming that I could have the audacity to email *her* instructions. (tee hee - it's like I drank half her tea!) But it really isn't my style. Next time, JACK gets into Krabby Patty's face to explain how to properly address me. Something along the lines of, "Your email was terse and disrespectful. I refuse to ever demand respect, and if you don't think I command it, that's cool - but you're going to exercise professional courtesy when you address me. Please and Thank You? Those are mandated by pretty much every definition of Professionalism I know. And since we're at WORK, my expectations are such. If you need to take a class, let your supervisor know - I'm sure we'll foot the bill. Whatever it takes - but that's how you WILL address me. Is that ok?"

I'll keep you posted.

JACK