The Martinez Continuua (Part I)

I promised you an interactive post a bit ago and here it is! So, don't stroll on by and wham-bam-thank-you-maam my blog this time, ok? If you're here, PARTICIPATE, carajo! You have *NO* idea how much work I put into this shit. lol.

Ok, this is a continuum:

No shit? Yuh, I know. But it's The Martinez Continuum (MC). Notice that zero is right down the middle and the scale goes out ten in each direction. The MC is split into four zones:

• Zone 1: The Red Zone, bound by -10 and -5


• Zone 2: The Orange Zone, bound by -5 and 0


• Zone 3: The Yellow Zone, bound by 0 and 5


• Zone 4: The Blue Zone, bound by 5 and 10

Simple enough, right?

I envision this as a relationship continuum and I apply it to various aspects of a relationship. Let's see - it's better depicted graphically. Let's start with THE AFFECTION CONTINUUM. It looks like so:

It's hard to read, so let me explain. As far as affection is concerned, we all fall somewhere on The MC, thusly:

Zone 1 - The Red Zone

Cold-hearted bitch who doesn't want to be touched unless in the act of making love. However, usually doesn't refer to it as making love, but prefers the word "fucking."

Zone 2 - The Orange Zone

Usually doesn't want to be touched, but will at times accept it - never initiates any type of hugging, cuddling or anything of the sort. When accepting affection, will call "fucking" making love.

Zone 3 - The Yellow Zone

Will usually initiate affection, like holding hands - but can sometimes be leery of Public Displays of affection. Is private with the affection and will ALWAYS welcome it in private.

Zone 4 - The Blue Zone

Like coming home to a lap dop you haven't seen in three weeks.

See how this works? So, JACK is totally affectionate and I would give myself a 7 on the continuum. That puts me in the Blue Zone.

Let's do one more - THE HOMO CONTINUUM

The trick is to identify yourself on the continuum before you read the definitions. For this continuum, -10 is extremely effeminate and +10 is completely masculine. I give myself a 5. Here're the definitions:

Zone 1 - The Red Zone

Is likely one surgery away from being a full-fledged women. Effeminate, does drag, takes hormones and refers to all his boyfriends as "guuurrrrlllll."

Zone 2 - The Orange Zone

Has identifiable mannerisms. Is somewhat self-conscious of them to varying degrees, depending on how far from zero he is. This dude is already out, even if he doesn't know it.

Zone 3 - The Yellow Zone

Has some identifiable mannerisms but they go unnoticed and the average person can't tell. Is rarely self-conscious about it. People wonder in secret if he's gay but never approach him.

Zone 4 - The Blue Zone

Completely masculine and secure.

Having fun yet? Here's where it gets interactive. My next continuum is THE SEX CONTIUUM. But I'm not going to define it just yet. In your comments to this post (after you tell me how fabulous you think this game is), tell me where you fall on the sex continuum by picking a number from -10 to +10, where -10 is not really sexual at at all and +10 is pretty much horny and ready ALL THE TIME.

(Don't act shocked this turned into something about sex. I'm a HOMO!)

I will post my zone definitions ONLY after receiving a minimum of ten different responses. So, you lurkers out there better create a ghost account or something because I mean it. TEN.

*with much love*

JACK MARTINEZ