Suddenly, I Want Him

For the Conscientious Traveler

THIS is a SARS mask

If you are traveling in an airplane in the coming weeks, please be sure to use the new, improved Swine Flu mask, pictured here:

Have job, will travel

Well, folks - my job takes me out of town this week and I won't be reading your wonderful blogs, nor will I be posting anything on mine. Unfortunately, I'll be on on expenses all away from home. Poor me will be at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.

I'm SO excited to be going to Vegas again. It's such a fun town. Although, I must admit that I haven't had the privilege to experience the what happens in vegas stays in vegas rendevous ... really, the only thing that stays in vegas is my money. Everything else I can talk about freely.

This was a great weekend. The kids and I managed to free princess toadstool and we were so fucking happy. You have no idea. It was a total family effort to save that bitch.

SPOILER ALERT

Did you know that after beating nearly 100 different boards and gathering stars, and taking keys from bunnies (which really isn't quite the lesson I REALLY want to be teaching my kids)

[yo, kids, when you see the defenseless, steal they shit!]

... we finally free princess toadstool and she asks us to go BACK into the fucking castle and bake a cake with her!

I'm not shittin' you - bake a damn cake! Now, the whole video game thing is new to me ... I haven't ever owned a video game system - ever. And so, the kids each got a Nintendo DS Lite for xmas and I've been a fucking mess over the damn thing. So, anyway, maybe you knew that all the ungrateful bitch had to offer was a piece of cake ... and NO, she wasn't offering CAKES, it was a fucking piece of ACTUAL cake! Whatever - it was a sense of accomplishment anyway.

so, there you have it folks - I managed to juice the weekend for that amount of joy. And it doesn't escape me, the fact that I've totally been into that fucking video game (and others!) and that now I'm going to vegas ... where last time, the Deal or No Deal penny slots at the Flamingo actually stole from me!

... the same mother fucking day that I was running so low on money that I stopped putting the maximum bet into the machines and turned over triple sevens on this slot machine with a 2X multiplier

and because I played ONE quarter instead of three, I didn't get the $10,000 ... I got $10.00.

... and THAT was after I was playing the $0.02 slot and didn't play the maximum bet and won 50 free spins that earned me $17 instead of $340.

I'll just buy a lot of mauve and baby blue M&Ms and pretend I hit it big.

Have a great week everyone!

Crosswind Landings

I can't tell you how many miles I've flown. I've used frequent flyer tickets about half a dozen times and have over 100,000K in various accounts. Work keeps me busy - and I've seen so many beautiful parts of the country. Of course, work being what it is - I usually only see the airports and the hotels, but I try to get out as much as I can. This is especially true when I go to Las Vegas - where I saw Toni Braxton's Revealed concert (I totally love her), and wasted hundreds and hundred of dollars in slot machines, and rode the Big Shot on top of the Stratosphere (never again!). Maui was just plain beautiful too, although I only had one day to really enjoy it personally. The sunset was just so beautiful.

Not so beautiful are the damn flights. And one of the things that still unnerves me is landing - because the nose is never completely in front of the tail on any landing. It's the sky's answer to yaw, and I fucking hate it. I have to regulate my breathing and sit upright in my seat and not look out the window. My sense of direction is keen, and I can tell you that I have never been on a flight that landed in a position completely parallel to the runway.

So, I've done some research on youtube (crack for internet junkies) on crosswind landings, because of that one time I landed in Indianapolis and almost got whiplash as the plane drifted sideways before it touched down. Needless to say, hitting the runway to careen at 80 mph while drifting in a direction perpendicular tot he runway is jarring. But prais God, I've not dealth with the likes of this ... yet.



Or this



(thought I rarely fly in airliners that big)

or even this!



I would totally find another way home.