Saturday, March 28, 2009

Strangest thing

If you've followed my blog, you know that I had this sorta weird battle with wanting a relationship. It's weird because it seemed beyond my control, like it was some innate desire that I really couldn't explain. It made no sense in the context of my life because I live in one city, work in another, am a full time dad every weekend and am working on my master's degree and where the hell am I going to fit in time to work on a relationship?

And I do mean work. I don't buy into that theory that relationships shouldn't take work. Kiss my ENTIRE ass. I have to work at my relationship with my own mother - of COURSE I've got to work on my relationship with some nigga who isn't even blood. Gimme a break - that whole fairy tale, perfect "throw-down-your-hair-and-I'll-come-save-you" lives in the Magic Kingdom. Ever wonder why it's called "MAGIC Kingdom?" Because it's a fake place, bitchezz - it's where we keep the tooth fairy, and Santa and Leprechauns with pots of gold at the end of rainbows. People, the idea of a relationship that doesn't take work is about as real as Iraq's weapons of mass destruction.

So, what the fuck? Obviously, I've purposefully busied my life in order to not have to deal with the bullshit of feeling lonely and that I needed a man to fill my time. I get that and I own it. But how the fuck could I be wanting very thing I'm busying myself not to need? Ugh - it's been crazy.

Anyway, I got through it. By being a whore. That's right - I admit it. There's no time for the full fledged relationship that I apparently somehow wanted so I took to being a p-i-m-p (euphemism for whoring) and then got it out of my system. I realized that in the past few weeks I really haven't felt the urge to go out and sit on a dick. It's just kinda ... gone. Gone like the myriad of condoms done been folded in napkins, tissue or whatever. (Because you know there's ALWAYS gon' be condoms, right? If you read my blog and don't use condoms, even so much as neglected to use a condom ONE time ... don't tell me. I'll come unglued. It's. Just. Not. SMART!)

So what happens? I meet someone. We meet at starbucks. starbucks throws us out at 9pm cuz they closing. fuckers. so we sit in his car and just talk. Seriously, just TALK.

That's totally fine by me - as I said ... the whole sit-on-a-dick bit is out of my system and I'm good with just talking.

Next night we go out to dinner. We kiss, hold hands, kiss, blah blah blah. But no sex. Second date and no sex. We just simply have a nice time.

But then it hits me ... wait a minute. I'm DATING!

WTF?! I'm obviously not averse to it, but I get to the point that I'm not even thinking about anything serious ... and I start dating. He texts me and calls me and we chat daily, even if just for 15 minutes. And the words of one of my favorite people EVER resound: "if you're not careful you'll end up in a healthy adult relationship."

DAMMIT ANON! You're in my fucking head with that shit. DAMMIT!

I'm fairly certain that he and I will have rounded third base and slid home before my next post.

(tee hee - "slid home" I'm funny)

Stay tuned and let's see where THIS shit goes. For the first time in a long time I have no real expectations and am seriously just seeing where things go ... averse to nothing and expecting nothing at the same time.





The Jaded NYer said...

lives are parallel... if you fuck around and get in a relationship, then that means that one of the two dudes I have a date with next week might turn out to be a relationship.

And that is simply UNACCEPTABLE.

Our friendship is officially on the rocks...

The Jaded NYer said...

(hmmm... first part of my comment got chopped off... it should have begun with: This troubles me a lot. you know our...)

Super Dave Van Buren said...

wait.. you had a normal date? nothing crazy happened? WTH!!! Well congrats, I guess.. lmao.