Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Gay men suck

It's a catchy title, isn't it? But I suppose it's fair to say that the ones I meet online are the ones that are totally wack. And believe you me - I'm not surprised. Take for instance my tirade on another blog I was keeping for a while on my myspace page titled "Things that are suspect":

  • Hats: If in every picture you have you are wearing a hat, or some semblance of one (sombrero, yarmulke, durag, etc.) then i question your ability to continue to grow hair.
  • Sunglasses: This one really bugs me. I mean, it's night time and there aren't really any bright lights (like the sun) anywhere and yet you insist on wearing shades. Yes, this is a definite sign of a lazy eye.
  • No smile: That serious look only goes so far. I like it and everything, but you've got to find SOMETHING funny, right? Or is it that one of those front teeth is missing? I'm not partial to partials.
  • Body shots only: Seriously? We categorize you under "would be gorgeous if it wasn't for the face"
  • Presenting a state ID: Excuse me, but you drove here.
  • Using the term "laid back:" Let's get this straight - no one who is ACTUALLY laid back (in the truest definition of the term) refers to themselves as "laid back." So you're not fooling me, psycho, box-knife carryin' collector of bodies in the basement.
  • Multiple cell phone numbers: This one is cute. "Oh, but i use one only for texts and messaging and the other one for calls." I would like to say on i. "and the third one for taking orders in multiple kilo weights, and a fourth for my mommy to call me whenever she wants, and a fifth one I've painted red for when the commissioner needs to let me know i haven't notice the bat signal shining in the night sky." I'll pass.
  • inteligent: Many fit into this category. Notice the lonely "L." Let me just say, "i'm shore your a mensa candidate who's been done wrong four years"
  • Live alone: This one cracks me up. It wreaks of someone who just moved out of their parents' basement or is reminiscent of some lonely person who refers to themselves as "laid back" (see above)

So I'm not exactly surprised that this dude I had been talking to, who is 22 (that should explain it all), starts hinting at that he really is feelin' me. Look, we haven't met and I don't see the point in getting all caught up in the fantasy person I tend to make up in my head, so I keep it real and tell him that I like him but want to get to know him more.

[I should admit that I wasn't going NOWHERE with a 22 year old, but it was fun]

Well, he ventures into an interesting area - that of exclusivity. But get this - he wants to know that I'm not talking to anybody else. It got raw with honesty as I explained that I am making NO judgement calls until I meet people in person because I've been burned (severely) with that shit before.

He didn't like it - during our last conversation he ended it abruptly. The next day I texted him and he tells me that he's certain I'm mad because if he was me, he'd be pissed. I told him I was confused and what the hell was he talking about. Apparently, when he ended the call abruptly he said I'll call you back and thinks (I guess) I'm waiting by the phone.

Yeah - he's 22. Boo boo - I didn't even know you were supposed to call me back. Now move along and pick up your toys. The place's a mess.


The Jaded NYer said...

LMAO... dique pick up your toys! I love it!!!!!!

JACK said...

I mean - who the hell asks for exclusivity before you even meet someone in PERSON?!?!? Aye, no ...

The Jaded NYer said...

he's got so much to learn... maybe he's never met a PRican before and didn't know ;)

Tim said...

He didn't know us very well, did he?

September said...

Good words.

greg said...

GREAT post & Very funny and somewhat true ; )