Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Compound Words

BULLSHIT

When your momma calls you all out of breath to tell you that she was in the hospital the last four days because she had an asthma attack and has been on oxygen the whole time. You didn't know, your brother didn't know ... no aunts or uncles ... nobody. Because she's a Latina mother and can totally ride the bus for a 40 minute ride to the ER and don't need NOBODY *gasp for breath* because she grown and can do for herself *deep breathing* and who the hell gonna pay for an ambulance *deep breath* when you can inch your way to the fucking bus for free.

ASSHOLE

A boss who constantly tells you "one day" and "hang in there" and totally sucks the ambition out of you by incessantly placating you instead of paying you what you're worth. Oh, and he tells you that you're worth more ... but times are hard, you know. Oh, and he knows that your title will eventually change and you'll get a promotion ... but times are hard, you know. Oh, but here - do two jobs.

Muthafucka

The dude who kept complaining that he had to wait so long to finally meet in person and who agreed that it'd be ok to at least meet for coffee for an hour or so after you drive 3 fucking hours into town ... only to go out to dinner and call while you're in the shower, cleaning off the three hour drive, to say that he's walking into his house and he knows you prolly tired anyway.


Draft Letters to the three aforementioned pains in my ass:

Dear Mom: Seriously, I'll pay for the fucking ambulance. I'll pay in cash ... sell my ass if I have to ... but for the love of all that is good and merciful, please don't do that again! (even though you've done it before and I know this is a moot request)

Dear Boss: Fuck you.

Dear Dude: Fuck you, too.

-JACK

2 comments:

Ty said...

You are too funny. Your mom and mine had a lot in common.

ExaminedLife said...

My mother is blind in one eye, and drove 200 miles AT NIGHT once to take care of my grandfather, just dropped everything and left. So yeah LOL

and 2 is better than 0 ...