Lions & Tigers and Bears, Oh My …

So, do you remember that date I went on? Well, if you didn’t read about it – please take a moment to do so now. Or don’t – I really don’t care.

Let me just recap by saying – it was an interesting date. And that since then, I made sure to point out to said date that I am NOT looking for a relationship but we can kick it. And he agreed. Sounds fine, right? I mean – It’s a win-win. I get some play and you get to shut up for a while. Right?

Well, it didn’t quite turn out that way … consider the following text convo:

JACK: Is grunting sexy?

JADED: To an ox, yes.

I was on the train and proceeded to laugh out loud all by myself and I’m sure I looked crazy. But I don’t care – it was funny. But I was asking because “during the do” this dude grunted periodically. Yes, GRUNTED. And this is a first for me … Don’t get me wrong, silent sex is ridiculous (leave that for the baseball players) and I’m all about turning up the volume … but, grunting?

GRUNTING?!?!?!!

I remember opening my eyes wide (probably with an eyebrow raised) and staring at the far wall for a second there because I thought it strange. But it happened several more times and I’ve learned the hard way

ANIMAL SOUNDS ARE NOT SEXY

So, please – PLEASE spread the word around. And let people know, because if the next mother fucker I bed starts to chirp like a canary, I’m seriously gonna call the ASPCA.

Thank you – that’s all.