A Trip to the ER

Wanna know what happens when you approach a 6 year old with this here device? Well, Let me tell you ...

... but I have to start from the beginning.

While working on my Masters degree I looked forward to completing it to work for some online university to teach. Earlier today I decided that I needed to bring that intention to fruition. Well, that and my boss has been aggravating me so I was looking at some full time opportunities too. (I sent out one resume - wish me luck!)

The kids were in their grandma's bed watching TV in the other room. They were laying there watching cartoon network and I was looking for better ways to support them. We had already been to my daughter's soccer game at 9 am, and then to my son's game at 1:30 pm (fuckers can't schedule ANYTHING right - next Monday, they both play at 6PM in two different parks!), I had baked a ham (left that bad bitch on 180 degrees for 18 hours) and cut half of it up for my ham and 15-bean cajun soup ... it was a full day and the kids were chillin just fine while I surfed www.indeed.com (the best job search engine I can think of) ...

that is, until there was a loud bang ... followed by my son's wailing.

We walked towards each other in the hallway. He was holding his head and my daughter was right behind him looking ghostly talkin' about "it was an accident! it was an accident!"

I held my sons head for him while asking what happened - and then I removed my hand to find it bloody. and not just tinged with blood. BLOODY. May daughter saw my hand and proceeded to freak the fuck out. At that moment, my mind began racing ...

... omg, he's bleeding!

... omg, she's freaking out!

... omg, i'm home alone with two kids!

... how the fuck do I get him to the hospital if he has to be in a car seat in the back and I'm the only adult who has to be in the front doing the driving?!

... Let me walk him to the sink in the bathroom

... Gotta grab a hand towel first

... cold. Cold water. The water has to be cold.

... soak the towel in cold water - cold compresses. Stop the bleeding. That's gotta be first

... if this daughter of mine doesn't stop screaming IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I might lose it

... can't lose it - this hand towel is soaked with blood. Cold compresses. Cold compresses.

... Can't call grandma - she's working a double. Can't call the ex - she's working a 10 hour shift. I gotta take him to the hospital ... bleeding's gotta stop first though. Cold compresses.

... omg, we're all back in our PJ's!

... bleeding has slowed. walk him to the kitchen to get ice.

... daughter has to get dressed. "Go get dressed!" "Why, daddy?" "Cuz we're going to the hospital!" "Hospital?! No! I'm not going!"

... omg, this hospital's gonna need the defibrillator for me

... At the top of my lungs, "YES YOU ARE! GET IN YOUR ROOM NOW, AND. GET. DRESSED. AND FAST!"

... ice. ice. ice. ice. Inside wet towel, the cold will transfer well. Put the bloody hand towel, packed with ice now, back on his head.

... daughter's dressed but she's running around freaking out with her laces untied. That's all I need, "TIE YOUR SHOES. NOW!"

... Leave son holding his own cold compress so I can get dressed. I change.

... I have to call their mom

... I have to get dressed

... I have to drive to the hospital

... I have to get the kids in the car

... I'll call on the way

... GIRL, GET IN THE CAR ... NOW!

... Carry son to car - strap him in ... fuck his shoes. I'll carry him in.

... Call ex on the way ... no answer. Figures. Leave pleasant message "Hey - she pushed him off the bed and he hit his head on the coffee table - it bled. On way to ER. If you call and phone is off, we're still there - they don't let you keep it on in the ER."

... Drive to Free Valet at the hospital.

... Get out car with kids, leave keys in ignition

... Don't stop to talk to any valet - I don't give a fuck WHAT they do with the car. Rush into hospital and into ER

... Sit son on counter with bloody hand towel packed with ice and stand there with daughter looking ghostly and worried.

Made it.

Whew!

From thud in the other room to arrival at ER = less than 15 minutes, including cold compresses to wait for the bleeding to subside. I wasn't playin no games.

Triage asks me if their mom has custody, since it's her Insurance card. "Yes, she has primary physical custody - we share joint legal"

"ok"

So, why did the OTHER bitch in there start quizzing me about how to pronounce my son's name. And his middle name. And his last name! It's *MY* fucking last name too, carajo! And then his date of birth.

... if this bitch don't stop asking me stupid questions, HER head gon need stapled too

The doc comes into our room (when we finally get there) and takes a look ... will need one staple she says ... I figured, I said.

At this moment, fear grips my son like Amy Winehouse grips a 40. He begins wailing - and the doc and I discuss whether or not to give an injection to numb the area first. I consider ... and decide that the drive home will be better if numbing medicine is doing its thing.

I send my daughter out of the room. Get out and shut the door, I say.

Two nurses and I have to hold down the little fucker - the wound is flushed with saline solution 5 times ... why? Because he keeps squirming and we wanna make sure it's clean. Solution of saline and blood drains all over me - I don't care.

WAILING

injection of Novocaine

WAILING

staple

WAILING

and more WAILING

The two nurses and I release our restraint and he relaxes

"All done, see?"

.. and my daughter returns from having picked out a new get well blanket with one of the other nurses. And some stickers.

The ex wife and I meet at my house - I from the hospital and she from her job.

"Better you than me," she says.

bitch.