But why he gotta be Black, tho'?

Kwame Kilpatrick - you is a dumb mother fucker. I mean, DUMB. Real mother fucking dumb mother fucker. That's what you are. And I have many, many, MANY reasons why.

First of all - this here mugshot got you with one eye all hard core and the other eye all stunned and shit. As if you were above going to jail. It's not like you're a white man, in the white house or anything. Dumb, dumb, DUMB mother fucker.

And please allow me to list just a FEW of the reasons why I believe you is a dumb mother fucker:

1. You had an affair while in office (Didn't the whole cigar in the White House thing mean anything to you? Senator Edwards, notwithstanding - I'm a get on him next - it's not something the proverbial "they" were about to let a Black man get away with! Seriously, how long have you been Black?)
2. You had said affair with someone you work with. DUUUUUDDDDEEEE, you *never* shit where you eat. NEVER. NEVER EVER EVER. For real, for real - name me ONE situation you know of where this worked out well ... go ahead, name ONE!
3. You used your work cell to send text messages back and forth with her, all lovey dovey and shit ... as if you weren't a public figure, with a phone paid for with tax dollars and the proverbial "they" (see parethetic notation to item 1 above) wouldn't snap their fingers in a minute to get the phone company to reliquish records. Did you really think that once you delete the text message out of your phone that those words sort of just flutter away into some e-abyss somewhere?!?
4. You lied under oath. OMG! At this point in the game, take your defeat like a man. If you already knew you were going to court, as most people who are put under oath do, it was time to tell your wife what you did and get on the stand and let it all ride. In case you didn't know, Mr. Mayor ... when you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing BUT the truth ... you can't lie.
5. YOU WENT TO CANADA! Seriously, you're like watching a fucking train wreck. Let me speak slowly for you, Mayor: When. You. Are. Out. On. Bond. You. Cannot. Leave. The. Country. And. Canada. Is. Another. Country. You get that, sir?
   
6. You assaulted the officer who came to visit your friend to SERVE HIM A WARRANT! Let's think about this. 1) Officer of the law. 2) Carrying a Warrant, or supeona, or whatever the fuck he had. 3) Black man assaults officer with warrant. In this three step process, can you tell which step poses a problem?

My one and final issue here is this ... you are a Black man that does NOT need to be holding a public office. I pray to God that you have some money stashed away, because I really don't want to see you filling my kids' waffle cone with soft serve ... but you cannot, MUST not be in office.

ESPECIALLY NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW, AS IN AMIDST THE HISTORICAL RACE FOR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't this all the fuck we need? For white America to see a Black man in office, actin' a fool, commiting purjury, skipping the country while out on bond, cheating on his wife, and assaulting white police officers ....

For the love of God - GO AWAY!