Chirrun'

I heard these words that did not please me. I thought I was going to lose my got-dam mind.

My daughter: Trevon said I'm hot.

Seven. She's 7 mother fuckin years old. So I asked her what that meant and she said "I don't know." Yeah - whatever. I went into a diatribe about how (the proverbial) "they" don't understand what they are talking about and they're using words they have no business using and blah blah blah

But I didn't say it - Trevon did.

She might be the apple of my eye, but I ain't stupid. I went on and on and on about how she can be pretty all day long, but it matters none if she ain't got nuthin in her head and can't figure out her school work and blah blah blah.

He also said he was gonna beat the crap out of Maria

Although I have met said Maria and believe she could use an ass whoopin (and her parents too), I lost my mind AGAIN at my daughter saying "crap" in front of me. I run a household where the word "stupid" is a travesty and she wanna come home talking like THIS?!?

I promise you I had to have a little talk with Jesus this week. Tole' him all about my troubles ... and she lucky He heard my fainted cry. Because, HAW-NEY ... there was about to be a revival of the pissed-off-gay-prican-daddy kind .... complete with wielded flip-flops and mile-a-minute speech impediments.

A 7-year old telling my 7-year old she's "hot." WTF!?!? Pass me the church fan - I need some air.

On a serious note ...

I don't feel like finding pictures and shit right now - so, consider this the Catcher in the Rye version of JGC.

24 Days
I have not had a cigarette in 24 days. I'm fucking amazed at myself. I started smoking some 15 years ago and although I had this notion in my head that I could not smoke forever, and knew that I had to eventually quit ... I didn't actually think I was going to. But, I did.

It's an interesting thing to find new triggers that I didn't realize were triggers. I got into the car to drive to Indianapolis and I started to pay my pocket to make sure I had my cigarettes - and I stopped myself. I really wanted a cigarette? Why? Because they characterized every road trip I've ever taken. Yet, now I drive and don't smoke. And I don't get road rage either! Bonus.

To crush or not to crush ... that is the question
Admittedly, I've been crushing on this boy and I'm just totally tired of it. It's kinda of a knack of mine, though, to want what is not available to me ... at one time it was DL men, at another time it was married men, and now gay men in relationships. It's funny that I've gone through it so much that I can just shoo it away like an annoying, buzzing fly.

That didn't used to be the case - those who have known me the longest can attest to the fact that JACK has been known to hold on to some nonsense ... like that gay dude who lived 700 miles away who I met online and I longed for for three years ... having never met him. Yuh - that was a str8 mess. (so to speak)

But I don't have years anymore. I don't think I even have months in me anymore. I'm fucking great - because if I don't think so, who the hell will?!?! - and I really need to do better by me. And so - NOT to crush, it is.

300
That's how many posts JGC is approaching. JGC is definitely the longest relationship I've had. Unless you count the 7 years I spent with the ex-wife. But she's a girl - so I don't count her.

Anyway - I've got to do something big for post 300, I think. I don't know what it is, though. No idea at all. I don't have much time, though ... maybe I'll just squat on it (again, so to speak).

Any ideas?

Why yes. Yes, I do.

Hello fellow bloggers! Please get to the chorus before you decide I've wasted your time.

Clitter me this!

A special thank to Booboo for bringing a smile to my day with clitter:

JACK's Self Aware

I've taken to making a whole to of changes at the same time. And it seems like one of those New Year's Resolutions gone Wild, but not one thing is based on the calendar year. It's coincidental, at best. What's NOT coincidental is the fact that I'm indeed doing it all at once. Let me talk about two of them:

I Quit Smoking
When my daughter wrote "For my Family to Quit Smoking" on her little note and put it under the tree before she went to bed Christmas eve, I thought I might cry. I could just picture her writing it and really wanting me to not be a smoker. I remembered how I wanted the same thing for my mother when I was a kid and how I longed for her to quit and how she now has emphysema and is certain to succumb to it eventually ... it really struck a chord.

Once, some time between fifth and eighth grade, I took The Great America Smokeout a little bit too seriously. When I came home from school I hid all the smoking paraphernalia: cigs, lighters, matches, ashtrays ... EVERYTHING. Sometime after nightfall and before bedtime, my mother walked up to me while I was lying on the floor and grabbed my shirt collar, lifted me up off the floor a little bit and made it abundantly clear that I was soon to meet my maker if she didn't get all her stuff back. Hey - at least she made it until after dark.

I'm trying to lose weight (again)
In 2006 - I slimmed down pretty good. In fact, I lost 40 pounds! I think I might have overdone it. I probably should have only lost 25. Now that I've gained it all back, that's my goal. 25 pounds. Just so that I don't die and them bastard pallbearers don't complain about how much I fucking weigh. You know how them gays don't respect even the dead and shit ...

Conundrum
Do you know how fucking retarded it is to diet and quit smoking at the same mother fucking time? I mean, to add insult to injury, I'm working on ceasing the tomfoolery dating-ridiculous-dudes-for-the-express-purpose-of-having-something-to-blog-about nonsense that I'm NOT writing about in this post ... and so I can't even put one of THEM in my mouth ... no fucking cigarette, no damn zingers, ho hos, oatmeal cream pies, cartwheels .. or ANYTHING ...

And look, I know what I'm doing. I'm totally aware that I'm doing everything at the same time only because even if I fail at something, I still have other opportunities to find something I've succeeded at ... you know, if I have a cigarette, I can always focus on the fact that I've lost a pound or two ... or, if I hose down a top in Gun Oil, wrap him in cellophane and ride him like it's the last express train to Howard, at least I haven't had a cigarette that day ...

It's maddening that I'm totally aware of it and am still brain-fucking myself and I'm letting it work. That's some crazy shit, I swear. But let a FYNE nigga come up to me offering to face fuck me while I pump iron and totally condoning my having an afterglow cigarette to get the taste out my mouth ... and he might just get the best workin-off-all-this-tension sex he wants and more.

YEAH - I said it. AND what, mfer ... AND what?

Top Ten lists a la JACK

Top Ten Reasons Obama Should Address Race Issues

10. Are you fucking kidding me? He’s the fucking President. Can the man BE President first? Then he can take up race issues about what it was like to be the first Black President and how race impacted him and his office and what his views were as those issues arose and blah blah blah. This whole fucking notion that he should talk about it because he IS President totally undermines the actual job of BEING the President. Isn’t his plate already fucking full? I mean, you know what … Haiti – stop bitching. It’s just an earthquake. President Obama got a roundtable with Al Sharpton – he ain’t time for this shit.

Top Ten Ways to Fuck Up late Night

10.Remove Jay Leno

9. Replace him with Conan

8. Replace Conan with Jimmy Falon

7. Make up a creepy show for Jay at 10pm

6. Watch ratings plummet

5. Convene a meeting

4. Start talking shit that you’re gonna shake things up

3. Watch Conan murder you on live TV

2. Watch Letterman stew that he STILL isn’t getting The Tonight Show

1. Have FOX get interested in Conan

Top Ten Bitch Ass Punks in Women’s Sports

10.Mark Mcgwire

9.Mark Mcgwire

8.Mark Mcgwire

7.Mark Mcgwire

6.Mark Mcgwire

5.Mark Mcgwire

4.Mark Mcgwire

3.Mark Mcgwire

2.Mark Mcgwire

1.Mark Mcgwire

Movin' on up

Since sometime last summer - July I think - I have been crashing on my friend's couch in the big chi. I'm not sure what possessed me to think I could carry the rent for a 1-BR apartment in Chicago, while I kept a mortgage and a second mortgage in Indianapolis, but I tried it. And it fuckin' TRIED me, ok? When that one-year lease was over, I was through. I wasn't sure what my next step was going to be, but I had been all over craigslist looking for someone renting a room because $800 in rent per month was not working for me.

So, my friend offered me his couch in his one-bedroom. I considered this, and since I'm in Chicago half-time MAYBE ... and I kinda have an affinity for sleeping on my own couch anyway ... I said what the hey. And for the most part, it's been a good set up. In the interest of preserving the friendship we have, I won't go into any details about my decision to move out, but as I told him ... I value our friendship, and we're cool and will be cool after I move. However, if I stay much longer, we may not be cool for very long and I seriously would rather figure something else out than damage a friendship. Plain. And simple, too.

During that conversation he asked me if I knew when I would stat looking for a place. I lied and said I wasn't sure. He suggested I start looking in March. I knew he suggested that because his lease is up in April and he wants to move out of that apartment. I don't blame him. Why?


This here picture represents more water than came out of the faucet this mroning when I turned on the hot water. Right - piss poor. And the heat wasn't on ... turned off sometime during the night and I was chilly ... the to-the-bone kind of chilly and I really wanted a warm shower. Yet, not an option.

That pretty much sealed the deal. I had had dinner this past weekend with another friend, who owns a 3BR condo and considered a roommate situation before. He's still up for it and we talked about things and it seems like it will work out. I told him that I would make a decision this week. However, after the heat-less, shower-less morning I had? I negotiated a 3-month trial with him. I'll give my roommate my one month notice this week when I give him his rent money. I'll probably be out of there sooner, though. Dude's condo is furnished ... with a bed!

Funny part of this is that yesterday my current roommate told me he saw this apartment he really liked on craigslist and sent an email to the owner about it, asking if anything would be available in April, he'd be interested. That struck me, because this is the same dude who suggested *I* look for a place starting in March. Did you catch that? Right - so did I. I told him all sorts of good things ... like good for him and it sounds like what he really wants out of an apartment, and I'm genuinely glad he's dealing with it. And I'm genuinely letting go of the fact that he told me to wait until March while he went looking for something himself.

Surprise! I've already got one.