tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785144363469784692.post8239886312187094979..comments2023-07-07T07:45:10.468-04:00Comments on JACK's Gay Chronicles: The ClosetJACKhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04748066450299657835noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785144363469784692.post-28153295795433296242010-01-04T13:03:30.785-05:002010-01-04T13:03:30.785-05:00Well Jack..I am actually using my pen name since a...Well Jack..I am actually using my pen name since anonymous is kinda silly- (I still ain’t slick …yes I know) <br />This post resonated with me cos being from a place where homosexuality is still considered a crime and parents who are fairly religious I had resigned myself to taking my wonderful knowledge of my gayness to the grave. It took years of patented responses and façade creations to be able convince myself I could do that. And I thoroughly did. In fact I mentally justified it by saying it was for the betterment of everyone including myself. One of my great productions of internal deceit was that I was able to convince myself was that I did not want kids.. so that way if I never got married (which as a gay man wasn’t going to happen), that could be a reason why [it didn’t]. For full disclosure - I never said they were smart just convincing to myself.<br />However one fateful day, with some gay character on the television, my mother asked me if I was gay. Looking back at this, it’s not a natural leap. And I am convince all mothers always know…I had my usual answer at the ready complete with joke and divergent humor to boot, but today I was exhausted; physically from travel and emotionally from lying and I said very calmly and without wimper or whimsy “Yes”. <br />I think other continents heard my mom’s crying, tears and pearl clutching tales of what did she do wrong. Im sure my neighbors heard me hyper ventilating in the bathroom, realizing that unlike my vivid imagination, this was real, had happened and there was no reset button. To make mattes more interesting, the 7500 mile flight my dad took the next day for an intervention did not help. And in pseudo negro waspy fashion, we have NEVER talked about it since. That was 2006.<br />The thing is..it is not a story book ending. I am almost sure (but can dream/hope) that when (not if) I meet the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.. they will NOT be there at whatever ceremony I am allowed to have. They may opt to recognize (or not) any kids I will have (cos now I know I am open to the possibility of it since coming out). Thanksgivings and Christmases will not mirror the ones I had growing up. The sweet irony is my family IS like the Huxtables when we were growing up. Rare from where I am from but was my reality. Family caucuses to discuss pets, all the kids ganging up on dad over fun stuff, bouts of glee when we all eat dinner together which was almost every night, mom and dad loving each other in a way that sometimes made you think “gosh these two teenagers are weird”. I never for one day considered that it would be different. I guess the only difference is Theo was never gay! <br />I will say this. Even though I am sure the future I once dreamed with my family as a whole is different, I feel good that even though they may opt not to know who are am going to be, presently they know who I am.Charlienoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785144363469784692.post-47850134359848841382010-01-02T00:16:34.559-05:002010-01-02T00:16:34.559-05:00Dovie - I really don't anticipate my mother ta...Dovie - I really don't anticipate my mother taking it well. My cousin said she thinks mom will, but I still have my doubts. I think my dad will be cool, though. It'll happen soon, I'm sure.<br /><br />Ty - I'm touched that you're inspired by this post. It's really been weighing on me and if nothing else, it's totally worth it now. Let me know how it pans out for you.JACKhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04748066450299657835noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785144363469784692.post-44359011237672233032009-12-30T13:07:23.058-05:002009-12-30T13:07:23.058-05:00That is a bold step. You have actually inspired m...That is a bold step. You have actually inspired me to do the same. I'm kind of in the same boat. I know that my dad knows that I have had "experiences" but he actually hasn't heard me say the words. I've been considering it for some time but think that it is time.Tyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06381669996518441790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4785144363469784692.post-86776831963071412632009-12-29T20:50:20.698-05:002009-12-29T20:50:20.698-05:00With all that you've accomplished and been thr...With all that you've accomplished and been through, I dont see why not. Go ahead....they will eventually ask or take it to their graves knowing and not bothering to dabble in it if they cant handle speaking about it. After all whether you have been stuck under them or not, They are your parents. Why not create something better or renewed with them? You only got 1 mother and Father.....will be too late when their gone and not having known how they really felt about you.......they may want to talk and may not know how to even go about it so they dont say anything.Daddy Squeeze Me!https://www.blogger.com/profile/14857915791876792168noreply@blogger.com